Hope Hicks, person who doesn’t like talking, named WH Communications Director

Hicks’ shyness is such a defining facet of her character, in fact, there is exactly one extant clip of her actually communicating with anyone, filmed at a rally in Alabama. “Hi,” she says. “Merry Christmas, everyone! And thank you Donald Trump!” It is a succinct summation of Trump’s entire political platform.

Like Trump, Hicks had no political experience before his campaign, having come aboard at his behest after working with Ivanka Trump as a PR person for her fashion line and even doing a little modeling for it on the side. The two soon became fast friends and, Nuzzi reports, she “even began dressing like the heiress.” Yes, something about this young, attractive, docile model wearing his daughter’s clothes enticed Trump. He poached her for his organization, informed her that she was now going to be his press secretary, and put her up in one of his apartments.

Hicks has survived every staff culling and upheaval since, with Trump expressing to Nuzzi his particular admiration for the professional way with which she answers the phone. She also reportedly takes dictation for all of the President’s tweets. She is, in other words, the most qualified person for the job, at least until Japan finally invents a beautiful android that can read from Twitter and deflect reporters with a similarly lifelike verisimilitude.

Prior to her political career, Hicks was seen in magazine ads for Ralph Lauren, had a small part on the soap opera Guiding Light, and appeared on the cover of the young-adult Gossip Girl spinoff, It Girl. She was also the face of the children’s book series, Hourglass Adventures, about a time-traveling 10-year-old. She is, in other words, a pleasant, pliant, mostly silent spokesmodel available to prop up whatever fantasies of wealth and returning to the distant past you might throw at her. She will probably have this job forever.