Let Gwyneth Paltrow teach you how to yawn properly
After years of receiving edification in the importance of keeping your colon tidy, your backyard party playlists curated to match the mood around your chiminea, and your water emotionally gratified, you may be feeling a bit tired of Gwyneth Paltrow. And according to the actress and lifestyle tyrant, that’s fine—and it’s perfectly acceptable, even welcome, to yawn around her. But as always, it’s important that you yawn correctly, and not just throw your mouth open like another sack of ranch-dipped breadcrumbs to inhale. Luckily for you, as with every other aspect of your life that’s also primarily a biological function, Paltrow has some tips to make doing it a conscientious chore.
In her latest update to Goop, the Rosetta Stone that will one day explain to our descendants how we died of insufferability, Paltrow writes of “Why Yawning Is Important And How To Optimize The Reflex”—helpfully, yet sternly suggesting that you’re simply not making the most of slowly inhaling. Why, you’re probably just cracking your jaws agape like you’ve spotted a bacon cheeseburger, sucking up the air with all the boorish, lazy gusto of a tree that has not yet been shamed by Gwyneth Paltrow. Fortunately, Paltrow sought the counsel of yogi Michael Lear to provide tips on how you can best unwind, in an enumerated list of steps to be followed exactly.
They are:
1. Gently tilt your head back to a comfortable position and allow your mouth to hang open widely while you gently extend into it.
“Arrange your head in a comfortable position, such as on a Donna Wilson pouffe—a steal at only $740! Then allow your mouth to just let go and relax. Perhaps tell your mouth that your 6 a.m. mouth-pilates has been canceled. (Even though it hasn’t!)”
2. Contract the back of the throat as if to perform Ujjayi breathing—a whispery breath—which is typically done through your nose with your mouth closed. Breathe deeply through your mouth so you feel the air hit the back of your throat.