Scream: “Exposed”

“Wow, you sound like a bad romantic comedy. Except we didn’t meet cute. We met sick-twisted.” – Emma, with a line that made it on to television
How do you solve a problem like Scream the TV series? Would if you could, the answer would be to nuke it into oblivion, to a point where there was never even a memory of Scream the TV series. In fact, in this scenario, every time you thought of Scream the TV series, your mind would simply go to the much superior Scream 3. (And allow me to remind you: Scream 3 is not good outside of Parker Posey.). But to even call Scream the TV series a “problem” is to consider Scream the TV series something… more. Maybe even meaningful. As episode five, “Exposed,” proves (even before Emma says the title), Scream the TV series is too devoid of substance to be a problem. It’s the episode that is most loaded with terrible dialogue, blank faces (see the vigil speech scene, then see all the scenes), and no slashing. Because why would you want slashing on a slasher program?
Even worse, this episode is an argument to have every single character on this show murdered. For the most part, this entire series is that argument, but this particular episode is a reminder of how Scream the TV series appears to want its audience to care about cyber-bullying, sociopathic, blackmailing, child pornographers. Some character are only one or a few of these things, but regardless, these are key qualities for the characters that actually get screen time. (I’d apologize to Noah and Audrey, but the less screen time those characters have, the easier it is to let them skate by. Even though Noah certainly falls on the sociopathic level often.) This is the second episode in a row with no one getting offed, when the last two people who were just so happened to be the two most (seemingly) innocent characters on a show full of… See above.
Ghostface Filler: “Hello, Emma. How’s it feel to be the star of the show?”
To really answer that, Emma would have to display actual emotions, but based on every episode so far, being the star of the show is great for her, terrible for her “friends” (and strangers), and useless for the audience. As this episode focuses on Emma’s fear in a situation Scream the TV series hasn’t worked to show as scary (they’ve definitely told us it is, though), the audience is supposed to be invested in her measures to defend herself… Despite the fact that privately cyber-bullying Emma is all Ghostface Filler has done to her. Ghostface Filler made her choose between her terrible friend Brooke (who has lost all good will garnered from last week’s episode) and her decent (yet pop cultural reference-afflicted) friend Riley, and she chose to save the first one. Ghostface Filler keeps calling her to warn her about how every one’s lying to her. Ghostface Filler never actually threatens her—they threaten people around her. And while it would be easy to argue that Emma’s reaction (if you actually see one) means she’s empathetic, it actually shows the series’ intense physical protection of this delicate Final Girl. Then the episode all ends with “the new Emma,” who is a lot like the old Emma, only she is sometimes sassy when she talks to her cyber-bully from Z105.
The worst part of all of this (besides the terrible characters) is that Scream the TV series clearly thinks it’s a “smart” show full of “witty” “banter.”
Sheriff Hudson: “Don’t call me Hud.”
Detective Brock: “You used to like it.”
Sheriff Hudson: “I used to like a lot of things that were bad for me. I don’t need you to remind me.”
Brooke: “I guess rehab is better than divorce court.”
Jake: “How ‘bout you take a breath, bro?”
Will: “Stop telling me what to do, bro!”
Jake: “You know what? If you wanna have a full-on psychotic meltdown, why don’t you take it home to the chickens and the cows?”