In just a few weeks, Solo: A Star Wars Story will be making its way into theaters. That means that, among other things, we’ll soon be hearing from an incredibly vocal minority who believe that the fact that they are not going to see this movie is somehow interesting or noteworthy. Unfortunately, dear readers, we regret to inform you that that time is upon us already. Happy Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you. Here is a sad man being sad about Solo:
The opening shots—with the dramatic music, emotional glances off into the distance, and high school bleachers backdrop—make one immediately think that this is a parody of some sort. Alas, it is not. This very serious man is very serious about the fact that he doesn’t want to see the new space movie. Admitting that this news will come as a shock to anyone who knows him (doubtful), the sad man laments that he must abandon the franchise he loves so much because “Disney continues to shove down their SJW feminazi agenda down our retinas.” It will come as no surprise that that is about as eloquent as his argument gets.
Still, the video goes on for another ten minutes. The talking points should be familiar to anyone who has had the misfortune of being online in the past few years. Rey is a Mary Sue. Disney only cares about money, whereas George Lucas is a real artist. The Force being for everyone as opposed to a select group of mostly men somehow dilutes the mythology. So on and so forth. As to why Solo has become his particular line in the sand, the sad man says he disagrees with casting choices and generally sees the movie as a cash grab because “real fans” don’t need to see Han Solo’s backstory, although he adds in, “Now, if we’re talking about an Obi Wan film. That’s a different story.” What the fuck, man? Have some conviction!
Clips from this video have been making the rounds on Twitter accompanied by a dizzying number of hashtags, including #BoycottSolo. If you make the mistake of clicking that hashtag, you’ll soon realize this sad man is not alone at his pity party. There is a whole legion of entitled weirdos out there who think that their love of Star Wars somehow gives them ownership of Star Wars and they are determined to financially ruin the multibillion-dollar company that has slighted them. Just a few more tears on the bleachers and they’ll get there.
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