Morrissey likes to save his own hair clippings

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Determined to create a fun, Morrissey-related news story that doesn’t include implications of racism or glib dismissals of massacres, yesterday Morrissey finished getting a haircut at a Dallas “greaser salon,” scooped up his own shorn locks, and then “took them to go,” presumably placing them in a velvet pouch and handing them off to a footman for safe-keeping. Actually, all suggestions of delightful eccentricity aside, there’s probably a more rational explanation: Morrissey’s Famous Vegetarian Hair Stew, simmered in cornstarch and tears cried while watching slaughterhouse videos. It's good for keeping down the urges to say asinine things.