Last night, Criss Angel traveled back in time to 1993, slipped on that year's finest pair of pre-ripped jeans–as well as all the chunky silver rings he could fit on his fingers without stifling the flow of the magic that runs through his veins–and then he teleported himself to a sound stage decorated with the leftovers of the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? set just in time to take his seat next to the reanimated corpse of Uri Geller and preside over NBC's Phenomenon, aka Who Wants To Be America's Next Top Mindfreak?.

It was a night filled with bear traps, nail guns, grown men named "Raven," the occasional shrieks of the gay intern from The Tonight Show, and countless shots of contestants peering through shards of broken mirrors (that Criss Angel no doubt shattered with his freaky mind quakes). Oh, and it was live, so the viewers at home could catch every single unintelligible thing that Uri Geller's corpse had to say.

Even though I'm afraid that Criss Angel is mentalist-izing me through the television with his impossibly shiny, glittery handcuff necklace, I think I'm going to make Phenomenon regular viewing. After all, paramedics are standing by.