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Jesus Ween: When Halloween just isn't Jesus-y enough

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Remember that guy who gave out toothbrushes and apples on Halloween? You hated that guy and probably egged his house, right? (If you're like me, you just silently seethed because you were a wuss.) Well, if you didn't think Halloween giveaways could get any crappier, think again! Because there's this new thing called Jesus Ween—get it?—and they're encouraging good Christians to give out Bibles and "Christian gifts" in "a friendly way" this Halloween. They also encouraged whoever made their website to populate the general info, "Our Mission," "Why Join," and "Participate" sections with the exact same clumsily written paragraph. Spooky! What they forgot to take into account, though, is the fact that those heavy Bibles are going to be hard to carry around all night. Many a child's candy sack will break. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

Let's all make a pact to egg anyone's house who participates in Jesus Ween.