Grandfathered (Fox, 8 p.m.) Fox is going full-on older-man handsome with its pair of new Tuesday sitcoms, as absurdly well-preserved 50-somethings John Stamos and Rob Lowe star in a pair of shows that we’re pretty sure are mostly about how much they’re both absurdly well-preserved 50-somethings. That’s especially true on Stamos’ Grandfathered, as his restauranteur character learns he has a son, and said son has a daughter. Amazingly, we still can’t name Stamos the most handsome young grandfather on a Tuesday night Fox sitcom in the last five years, because we ride hard for Raising Hope’s Garret Dillahunt. Anyway, Erik Adams will have a pre-air review of both shows, while Allison Shoemaker will be doing weekly coverage of Grandfathered.
The Grinder (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Meanwhile, Rob Lowe has found the latest show that, if all goes well, he will be leaving in a few seasons, and this one has him starring as an actor who, believing his years of playing a TV lawyer qualifies him to do the real thing, returns to his hometown to work with his brother. Said brother is played by The Wonder Years’ Fred Savage in his big return to TV acting, while William Devane plays their dad. So, if nothing else, the genetics of this show are fascinating. (In fairness, we kind of see the resemblances, but we suppose part of the problem is that no other human really looks like the slab of ageless perfection that is Rob Lowe.) Again, anyway, Molly Eichel is on the regular coverage case.
The Muppets (ABC, 8 p.m.): Kermit tries to make things up to Piggy by setting her up on a date with Josh Groban. After all, who among us has not tried to make things up to an ex by setting him or her up with the man behind All That Echoes? Also, “Fozzie is invited to a party at Jay Leno’s house.” There’s just no way that bit is going to be as mean as we want it to be, is there? Dan Caffrey doubts it.
Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 9 p.m.): The Inhuman hunt continues in the season premiere, as S.H.I.E.L.D. discovers another organization is looking for people with superpowers. Oh, and Fitz is about to do something crazy to get Simmons back, which, respect. Oliver Sava is prepared to lend a hand, schedule permitting.
The Bastard Executioner (FX, 10 p.m.): Tonight’s episode runs until 11:20, meaning it’s overrunning by an entire extra third of an episode. Look, we realize FX is probably completely cool with these shows running long—it’s not as though they’re doing anything particularly important with their late-night slots—but we just find Kurt Sutter’s perpetual inability to write to a 60-minute timeslot utterly hilarious, and we’re going to continue to be complete dicks about it.
Erik Adams gives a TV Club Questionaire to You’re The Worst star Kether Donohue, while John Teti explores how to recreate the clinically sexy part of the mid-20th century in this Expert Witness with Masters Of Sex production designer Michael Wylie.
Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (Disney XD, 8 p.m.): “Penn and his friends merge as giant metamorphosing robots to fight for control of an alien planet; the fate of two alien planets is tied to the outcome of a sporting event.” We’re really glad we live in a world where that sentence makes perfect sense to somebody. Possibly many somebodies!
O.J. Simpson: Fame And Scandal (Reelz, 8 p.m.): We’re not really sure what there is left to say about O.J. Simpson that hasn’t already been said, but, sure, why not? Let’s throw another documentary on the pile!
NCIS: New Orleans (CBS, 9 p.m.): “The team investigates the murder of a blogger known for exposing government corruption and discovers a dark secret about a joint Navy and CIA humanitarian mission in Bolivia.” So, we know nothing about this show, beyond the fact that it stars Scott Bakula, and we’re all about the Scott Bakula, but we’re curious how crucial the flimsy connection to the Navy actually is when it comes to justifying this show’s plots. Basically, is a character going to have to say, “Thank goodness this dark secret involves the Navy as well as the CIA, because otherwise we’d have no jurisdiction whatsoever”? We’re going to go ahead and assume … yes.
Frontline (PBS, 10 p.m.): The 34th season kicks off with the first installment of a three-part exploration of what really happened with the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. Frontline producer Ken Dornstein brings a personal connection to his investigations, as his brother David was one of the 270 people killed in the attack. Now, Dornstein heads to Libya to find out more about those responsible for the bombing.
Adam Ruins Everything (truTV, 10 p.m.): Comedian Adam Conover brings his CollegeHumor series to television, as he seeks to debunk myths and educate on frequently misunderstood topics, starting with the history of diamond engagement rings. That all sounds noble enough, but we’re hoping he eventually betrays our trust and starts shilling for those he once railed against, just so we’ll have a contextually appropriate reason to yell, “You sold us out, Conover!”
22 Jump Street (Encore, 10 p.m.): Channing Tatum was an unexpected delight in 21 Jump Street, but he is completely fucking hilarious in this sequel, which is just about the funniest possible deconstruction of the essential pointlessness of sequels. Also, we really, really want to see Jump Street Generations, because we’re idiots.
Jackie Brown (Cinemax, 10 p.m.): There was probably a time where this was the underrated Quentin Tarantino movie, but it’s been called that long enough now that it’s probably rated exactly as highly as it should be, which is pretty damn high. Though we’re still not sure about Robert De Niro in this, Michael Keaton and Samuel L. Jackson are terrific, and Pam Grier and Robert Forster are nothing short of spectacular.
MLB Baseball: Red Sox at Yankees (ESPN, 7 p.m.): This season has been an abject disaster for the Red Sox, who with Pablo Sandoval learned the hard way that the magic does eventually run out for all of baseball’s non-David Ortiz cherubic fat men—and it often happens right after they sign that last big free agent contract—and that it kind of helps to have, like, pitchers. Pitchers are useful. Anyway, both these teams have been playing decently lately, and the troll dream of a resurgent Alex Rodriguez homering his way to one final World Series win just because does remain very much alive. We’re not saying we want that to happen, but in the meantime we’ll settle for A-Rod pissing off Boston for no good reason, which feels incredibly likely.
WWE Monday Night Raw: So, we’ve got a confession to make: We’ve kind of been getting into wrestling lately. Mostly through just watching random YouTube videos and reading through the TV Tropes pages on various wrestlers, because, wow, we thought comics were convoluted and hard to get your head around, and then we found out about wrestling. Anyway, we’ve got a lot of really pretentious thoughts about how this is our modern mythology or whatever the fuck, but also we have a question, namely: Is this the greatest thing in the history of Western civilization?
We feel like … yes. Yes it is. We dare you to tell us the end of Hamlet wouldn’t have been better if the glass had shattered and Stone Cold had run in to save that whiny prince’s ass, knock out Laertes with a chair, and get into an inaudible, middle finger-inflected shouting match with a furious Claudius, all while a bootlicking announcer wailed about how this is the worst day of the poor king’s life. Also, Hamlet would be way better if Hamlet were a sock-wielding Mick Foley. Just stands to reason.