And Just Like That… delivers hollow girlbossing in its series finale

There are two events that structure the episode: a bridal fashion show and Thanksgiving. The former is the result of a subject from Lisa’s (Nicole Ari Parker) documentary, who insisted Lisa bring her friends to the show in exchange for her participation. It gives Lisa and Charlotte (Kristen Davis) a chance to talk about the hard realities of marriage—catering to their husbands’ feelings and disappointments—and Carrie and Seema (Sarita Choudhury) to talk about the visceral pull of marriage, even though Adam (Logan Marshall-Green) doesn’t “believe” in it. “Why did you want it?” Seema asks of Carrie’s marriage. “Because it meant I was chosen.”

Which, by transitive property, means that when Carrie ends up with no one, she is choosing herself. That’s what AJLT would have you believe. But put a pin in that idea.

Lisa asks Charlotte, if you knew then what you know now about the realities of marriage, would you still get married? “Oh, absolutely,” Charlotte says without hesitation. God bless Charlotte. She’s the only woman remaining from the original show who has stayed core to who she has always been, never apologizing for what she wants and owning her contradictions. A lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets if there ever was one.

Lisa’s husband is still being a giant baby about his election loss, but that doesn’t mean that she’s not all in on her marriage. When she and Marion (Mehcad Brooks) get the news that Michelle Obama (!!) might narrate their doc, they hug in professional joy and then start talking about a celebratory dinner or round of drinks. But then Lisa gets real: “We have to reel whatever this is back in.” He agrees. (They’re both married!) When Lisa returns home from the bridal show, she tells Herbert (Chris Jackson) she still chooses him, and he promises to get over his current pity party. Good for you two, I guess.

Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), of course, is still hosting her first-ever Thanksgiving, cooked by budding chef Brady (Niall Cunningham). Everyone has dropped out except Carrie and Brady’s baby mama Mia, who brings two offbeat friends in tow. Charlotte and Harry are staying home because he wants to—but also their only conflict (he can’t get hard after his surgery) resolves itself, so I guess that’s a happy ending for her? Joy (Dolly Wells) backs out because her dog needs surgery after swallowing a Lego at the park, drawing Miranda away from her own gathering. To this I say, 1.) People are so weird about their dogs. And 2.) Miranda really doesn’t give a shit about her own son, huh?

I truly can’t believe AJLT devotes so many minutes of screen time in its literal finale to characters we’ve never met before. We learn the name of one of Mia’s friends (Epcot, because their parents were Disney freaks) not once but four times! That’s too many times to learn about a new character in the final moments of a show! Walk it back!

Also present at this Thanksgiving is Charlotte’s boss, Mark (Victor Garber), who Charlotte invited because she thought he might be a good match for Carrie. “He’s been married three times,” Carries protests. “Yes,” Charlotte says, “but he has a plane.” Carrie isn’t interested, but Mark is there for an entire toilet overflowing scene (with visible turds) that only adds to my weariness. This show has overstayed its welcome.

In the end, Carrie goes home alone and puts on a song on the silly karaoke machine Miranda bought for Charlotte’s party: “You’re The First, The Last, My Everything” by Barry White. The soul tune scores the finale montage of the series: characters sharing pies, domestic duties, and small confessions of self. The dialogue is wooden, the editing is trite, and it all feels smushed together by necessity. Ultimately, Carrie deletes the epilogue about another man she started working on last episode and writes, “The woman realized she was not alone. She was on her own.” AJLT thinks it’s being brave, but it’s girlbossing a little too close to the sun for an episode (and show) that had nothing to say.

Stray observations

• • Even though Steve (David Eigenberg) doesn’t turn up at Miranda’s Thanksgiving, we still get a goodbye scene with him as he and Miranda talk about their impending grandchild over a meal at a diner. How could this have happened, Miranda wonders, when she’s “been putting condoms in his stocking every Christmas since he was like 14?!” The real stunner for me in this scene is when Miranda says that Brady called her bipolar, and Steve quietly replied, “Aren’t you?” This show has so warped my brain that I was googling “Miranda Hobbes bipolar?” to try to understand if I missed something. (I didn’t. Apparently Steve was just being a dick.)
• • After Adam says he’s not interested in marriage, Carrie takes it upon herself to meddle (something we have in common, actually) and asks him what he means by that. Don’t worry; we’re not going any deeper on this, but Adam thinks Seema is “lifetime” special. Great.
• • The way Mark takes the turkey out of the oven and puts it directly on the countertop had me wincing.
• • Miranda, as she plunges the toilet: “What happened to my life?” Girl, I don’t know. I wanted to watch a different show about you.
• • Guiseppe (Sebastiano Pigazzi) and Anthony (Mario Cantone) get one scene that involves a pie to a face, and I will not give them any more attention than they deserve.
• • In the closing montage, Rock (Alexa Swinton) admonishes her mother that the Millie character was not her and warns that she’s going to “be a lot of people in (her) life.” Sure, people talk like this. The writing is completely natural.