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While you do not, under any circumstances, have to give it up for United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement, we do feel moved to acknowledge a rare moment of self-awareness from the rapidly metastasizing government agency today. After all, we can’t think of a better way to impress upon the public that ICE has been drastically dropping its recruitment requirements lately than to let it be known that Dean “A lot of movies with ‘Angel’ in the title” Cain has signed up to serve amongst its various ski-masked teens.
Cain announced his incredible ability to still, after all this time, find a genuinely downward-trending career move on social media this week, in a video meant to lure in people with similar employment prospects to his own. (We kid Cain, of course; America will always need people willing to be second-billed to Kevin Sorbo in a film called Pickleball Pandemonium.) Noting his own law-enforcement bona fides—i.e., being sworn in as a reserve officer for a police force in Idaho so he could make web safety courses with Erik Estrada—Cain employs his full range of acting talents in the video, assuring viewers that ICE only goes after bad people, and in no way serves as a poorly trained, highly armed cadre of people heavily incentivized to do whatever the executive branch tells them to do in exchange for validation and table scraps.
Speaking of: Cain also talked up the fact that ICE is now—as reported by our colleagues over at Splinter—getting pretty bribe-y when it comes to trying to lure in recruits to fill out its flagging ranks, offering a $50,000 signing bonus, student loan forgiveness, and other benefits to folks willing to don the agency’s standard uniform of “Whatever will keep people from identifying us for doing this thing we have very willingly chosen to do.” And it’s never been easier to join, as Cain himself represents: Just today, the Department Of Homeland Security announced that it was removing all age restrictions on who could sign up, a huge boon to 59-year-old former Superman actors everywhere.
