In the spirit of the eye roll-inducing attempt at a naughty sex joke that occurs two minutes in to the Fifty Shades Freed trailer, a skilled lover knows the importance of sustained momentum in helping their partner reach climax. Fifty Shades Darker, meanwhile, has a plot point that involves the film’s hero, hunky-but-tortured billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), crashing his helicopter into the side of a mountain, then reappearing a couple scenes later like nothing happened. So yeah, maybe don’t take EL James’ advice on tension and release.

But who knows? Maybe things will pick up in the final chapter (for now—future spinoffs TBD based on box office) in the Fifty Shades Of Grey saga. But, then again, neither of the first two movies had endings in the “satisfying conclusion of an arc introduced in the beginning of the story” sense, so don’t be too surprised if Fifty Shades Freed is finished and snoring loudly by the time you really start getting into it.


Fifty Shades Freed is coming (*wiggles eyebrows suggestively*) to a theater near you February 8, 2018.