Ballsiest motherfucker in the room Tim Allen just decided he’s had enough of this pantywaist culture of people trying to keep him from saying “eughhueghghuehgh!” in an appropriately edgy tone. Consider this the official notice you’ve been put on blast, WORLD.
According to The New York Post, who probably kept this news under wraps for as long as it could, knowing the story’s potential to rip a hole in the very fabric of our suffocatingly anti-free-speech society, the comedian has joined the cast of a new docudrama made with the explicit purpose of criticizing what it considers the liberal and politically correct culture in “Hollywood, on college campuses, and in comedy.” You know, the places where real change happens. And though it doesn’t directly say so, we can only assume this movie is going to be the most dangerous fucking thing to happen to America since we learned God’s not dead, he’s still alive.
The film—titled No Safe Spaces, because rape victims need to learn to take a fucking joke, am I right, people—is being made by conservative radio host Dennis Prager and sort-of comedian Adam Carolla, who are worried about the chilling effect they say is being created by media, campuses, and the entertainment industry silencing controversial points of view. “Nothing kills comedy quite like people who are constantly offended,” Carolla says, which is so goddamn true it’s almost shocking no one is permitted to articulate such a dangerously honest perspective in a major media outlet. “It’s impossible to be funny if we’re not allowed to poke fun at each other and that’s what’s happening with a new generation of people who seem to be offended for a living.” Unavailable for comment were the legions of people being paid a good salary to be offended professionally, likely because they were too busy being outraged and definitely not because they don’t fucking exist.
Here’s a clip of the kind of bold truth-telling you’ll find in the movie, which is going to finally make people feel comfortable enough to start being a little racist in public, because that kind of honesty has really evaporated since Trump became president.
Prager started a website called Prager U in 2009, aimed at promoting five-minute videos about American history from a conservative perspective, something that is certainly in short supply on the internet. The example he gives The Post about liberals shutting down free speech is “the Los Angeles Times editorial page not printing letters that refute humans cause climate change,” which is a deeply important case of ideas being silenced akin to the Pulitzer committee baldly refusing to give its award to my neighbor who is sure chemtrails are real because a plane flew over our houses once and then he got a cold the next day.
Allen is wisely tying this to the one hundred percent true fact that his show was canceled because its vaguely milquetoast punchlines didn’t have an explicitly liberal bent, thereby pleasing the badass motherfuckers who don’t kowtow to namby-pamby things like understanding how free speech operates. No Safe Spaces is planned for a fall release, and your bullshit PC culture is planned to take a fall, wuss.