I've been given the enviable task of reviewing the premiere episode of NBC's new comedy (?) Lipstick Jungle (aka Stiletto Playground, aka High-Impact Mascara Marshland, aka [symbol of Bushnellian womanhood] [high-contrast locale]) tonight, so I've been trying to keep an open mind about it. This isn't easy, because I've seen the ad where the three leads are all collapsed against each other on a sofa so many times today, I feel like Brooke Shields and company are leaning directly on me.

I just checked my shoulder half expecting to find Kim Raver's foundation there like a shellacked make-up shroud of Turin.

The worst part about the Lipstick Jungle promotional push, though, is the trailer for the show, which I had the misfortune of watching last night. Here's a sample of the dialogue:

Powerful Woman Wearing Animal-Print Shoes Because She Wants To Have It All 1: You hugged? There's no hugging in firing!

Powerful Woman Wearing Animal-Print Shoes Because She Wants To Have It All 2: I've hugged and fired before. I'm a hugger.


So there may or may not be hugging in firing. But the question remains: is there crying in baseball? Because I was under the impression that there's no crying in baseball. Also: Is the A League Of Their Own echo here intentional, or merely a lazy, clumsy stab at comedy?

I'm going to give Eyeshadow Wilderness the benefit of the doubt here, and go with the idea that the writers are merely referencing a movie about powerful, baseball-playing women because their show is about powerful, business-having women. With that in mind, here are a few other Lipstick-Jungle-ized lines of dialogue for the writers to work into future episodes:

—"Ugh. Gag me with a Louboutin." (Heathers)

—"That was way harsh, Brooke Shields' character." (Clueless)

—"It looks like two pigs, fighting under a luxurious cashmere throw." (Steel Magnolias)

—"Jesus. Stop trying to make cosmolicious happen!" (Mean Girls)

—"Kim? That's a fat, unglamorous woman who doesn't want it all's name." (The Breakfast Club)

—"T'ee an me an Dirty Martini an't'ee Leo an 't' me." (Nell)