Ummmm, soooo... Happy! happened tonight. I feel a bit shellshocked, to be completely honest. There was a lot going on, some of it highly upsetting, some of it awesome, some of it just super weird, most of it all three. I’m honestly not sure I’ve watched a more bizarre hour of television... and I do this for a living. But OK, here we go.

Nick shoots his way out of the Blue situation in what might be the best Christmassacre yet. Strapping Mrs. Blue and Blue Junior to himself is genius, even if it turns out Blue’s thugs don’t really care. And then in a... fun(?) turn of events, Blue Junior sets off the bomb as Nick is driving away and blows the house and surrounding area to smithereens. Is it bad to laugh at that?

Nick takes Blue’s car and it’s because of this that Meredith is able to track him down, thinking he’s Blue. So our intrepid, dysfunctional cop duo is back together again and it’s time to find Hailey. But they don’t really know where to look until they get a frantic call from Amanda, who is following up on the Sonny Shine lead all by herself. That... doesn’t seem smart, since we’ve all known since episode one that Sonny Shine was obviously the head bad guy, which by the way, is nice that the show made easy to figure out without hitting us over the head with it.

But it definitely doesn’t seem smart when Amanda winds up at some kind of leather-furry-bug-alien sex party. Meredith tells Nick that Amanda is tough and can take care of herself, but... wow. Let’s just assume that Amanda dying at the leather alien sex party would be too dark even for Happy! and that she’s going to be fine! Everything’s fine! I won’t have nightmares about this at all!

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At least Amanda’s call puts Nick and Meredith on the right track, as they end up at Sonny Shine’s studio. The children have been packaged like giant dolls and loaded into a truck to be shipped off to their “new parents,” so it’s a race against time to see if Nick and Merry can find the kids before the truck leaves.

Unfortunately, Nick gets waylaid by Smoothie... and we find out why he’s called Smoothie. It’s because he has no penis. He’s smooth like a Ken doll. And after Smoothie chloroforms Nick and ties him up naked, he then starts to rape Nick with a black dildo while Spandau Ballet’s “True” plays. It’s super upsetting, but also totally played for laughs, so that’s also super upsetting. “Get it out of me.” — Is it bad to laugh at that?

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Meredith gets there (almost) in the nick of time, kills Smoothie (well, it seems like he’s dead. With this show, who knows?) and then they find Blue and the kids. Meredith goes after Blue while Nick hops into the truck. But Hailey’s not there. Very Bad Santa came back for his favorite captive, so there’s the big showdown for the finale. That, and rescuing poor Amanda from Sonny Shine. Because dear God.

Oh, and Zombie Mikey is on the loose and looking for Blue. Assunta tells Isabella that there is no password—Old Don gave Mikey “orcus” to give to Blue, which is like a “hamburger bag”? Yeah, I don’t understand that at all. The only theory I have is that the “hamburger bag” refers to the Wishees, who are clearly some kind of alien beings? When they were unmasked at the sex party and when Meredith shot one of them, they sort of looked like bags of meat, so maybe those are the “orcus.”

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It would make sense that The Bug is some kind of leader of a bunch of followers and/or aliens, making the kidnapped children the “presents” for them? And they’re going to become the “new parents” for the kids. That’s my guess.


Stray Observations

  • I think I liked this episode? It certainly made me laugh a lot, the aforementioned things and then also when Blue shot the reality TV producer and the Real Housewife.
  • The opening music video was a fun way to send off Meredith’s mom, Jessica. I’m going to assume that was going on in her head either during or after her death, hence the presence of Smoothie on guitar, since he’d been with her a lot lately and because he knew about her beautiful vocal talent. That’s nice for her.
  • If you’re not following Patton Oswalt and his wife, Meredith Salenger, on Twitter, you really should be. Their tweets during this episode were particularly delightful.
  • Nick: “Just keep smiling there, kitten, and pucker up that sphincter, ‘cause Nick Sax shoots early and often.”

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