Last night, I watched the first two episodes of Season 4 of The Hills and it became apparent to me that something more than rehashed flimsy drama from two years ago and aerial shots of Los Angeles was going on. There was something deeper. Everyone is spacier, woozier, more boring than usual. In fact, I think that in the 4th season, MTV has shrewdly transitioned The Hills from light reality soap to grave public service announcement about traumatic brain injuries. How else can you explain how everything on The Hills neatly matches up to the symptoms of a concussion? Take a look:
Symptom: Changes in your ability to think, concentrate, or remember.
The Hills: When asked "What have you been up to the past four years?" on a date with a human goal post, Lauren can't remember a single thing she's done, and just says, "I know."
The correct answer is, "I've been shooting a very popular reality show about my life for MTV. Actually, see those cameras? We're on it right now."
Symptom: Acting confused, asking the same question over and over, slurring words, or not being able to concentrate.
The Hills: Lo (aka Lauren the Second) keeps repeating, "You look pretty," to whomever crosses into her line of vision, unaware of how hollow her words sound.
Also, she clearly can't concentrate on her makeup. Unless she's trying to look like a craggy cartoon vampire.
Symptom: Feeling lightheaded, seeing "stars," having blurry vision, or experiencing ringing in the ears.
The Hills: Coincidentally, those are the exact feelings all of the clubs in The Hills are trying to replicate, but with the added bonus of expensive bottle service.