Multiple police reports obtained via public records requests from Motherboard show our nation’s law enforcement is woefully underprepared for our inevitable next wave of creepy clown sightings. “Responses to public-records requests filed by Motherboard hint at the scope of the clown menace,” they explain, reminding everyone of the dozens of “Oh hell no” clown varietals reported across the nation back around 2016—one of which actually resulted in a death (of the clown, that is). Such occurrences included children getting terrified by phantom waving Bozos, a “clown army” chasing a man down a street, and “young clowns... seen in the local mall, near a Cheesecake Factory.”
But, for the most part, police departments contacted by Motherboard “reported that diligent searches revealed no records of a response to the clown menace, no surveillance of clown-themed social media accounts, and no comprehensive analyses of the issue.” Great, just great.
As has been repeatedly demonstrated to us all, sinister clowns prove a perennial threat to our society. Frankly, it’s pretty insulting hear how cops shrugged off the overwhelming evidence that a federal ban on all clown-related activities (whoop whoop) is necessary for our public safety. Oh, and did we mention these creeps have been showing up again recently? Because they absolutely have, and we won’t stand for this kind of inaction any longer, goddamnit.
Unfortunately, we know this won’t end with any kind of law enforcement aid, but rather the plucky efforts of a band of teenage misfits to save the towns they begrudgingly call home. Truly, the youth are our future.
Anywho. Just what the hell were they doing instead of looking into what was clearly a public health crisis? Oh...yeah. Right. Well, can we really fault police departments when their hands were so obviously full?
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