Life can be pretty hard, especially these days, with holiday-related stress piling on top of the regular concerns about climate change and COVID and fascism, but that makes it even more important to take the good news when it comes and cherish it as tightly as you can. After all, you never know when a piece of good news will be the last good news you ever get.
That introduction may have brought things down a bit, but don’t worry. This good news is some good goddamn news, and even though you’ve probably already read the headline on this article, here it is again: Nicolas Cage is going to play Dracula. Not just some vampire, not a creep who thinks he’s becoming a vampire, but the famous vampire. Freakin’ Dracula.
Everything beyond that is superfluous, but here are the details: This news comes from The Hollywood Reporter, which says Cage will be playing Dracula in Renfield, the Universal monster movie directed by The Tomorrow War’s Chris McKay and starring Nicholas Hoult as the Count’s eponymous bug-eating lackey (as seen in Bram Stoker’s original Dracula novel).
Renfield is supposed to be some kind of modern-day reimagining of the relationship between Dracula and Renfield, and it was written by Rick And Morty vet Ryan Ridley from a pitch by Robert Kirkman (the guy behind the Walking Dead comic).
A lot of that is interesting, especially the fact that Renfield will star a Nicholas and a Nicolas (who needs a Hollywood Chris when you’ve got these two?), but none of that matters when Nicolas Cage is playing Dracula. Can you imagine the voice he’s going to do? Will he do a big widow’s peak with his hair? Will he a swirl a cape around? Remember when people found a photo of Nicolas Cage as a vampire? God, this is exciting.