How To Convey The Unbridled Joy Of Becoming A Mother

1. Place your helpless newborn twins on a dramatic slant, then position your head close behind their tiny, trusting faces. Purse your lips. You now look like a fiery–though maternal–sun rising over a hill made of sleeping infants. (Incidentally, congratulations! You've made the cover of

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People!) If this method seems too contrived then…

2. Smash your baby's face into yours until he is forced to smile out of sheer awkwardness for the first time in his young life. This conveys togetherness. It's not weird: You birthed him! Of course you can always…

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3. Lay out your sleeping baby in the foreground and place a protective hand on his small body, much like a she-wolf guards the defenseless prey she is about to devour. Then give the camera a seductive look. Why not? Motherhood is sexy!