In an announcement serendipitously timed with Friday the 13th, Rob Lowe's new memoir, and, of course, the Whoring Hour, Coming Soon reports that Lowe has signed on to direct Butterfinger The 13th, a 25-minute comedy-horror movie that marks “the first-ever film produced not by a major studio or filmmaker, but by one of America's iconic candy brands.” Lowe, who described the project as “a psychological thriller that will leave you laughing,” said that he was drawn to the job because of “Butterfinger's history with irreverent comedy,” and he did so with a straight face, thereby earning his money already. And now Butterfinger’s long, rich history of influential, irreverent comedy—which has made it basically the Ernie Kovacs of peanut-butter candy—will be applied to a mock-horror short that builds on the company’s long-running “Nobody’s Gonna Lay A Finger On My Butterfinger” tagline, taking the audience on “a perilous journey with the film's hero, whose paranoia leads him to believe that someone wants to lay a finger… in more ways than one.”
I have no idea how Butterfinger thinks that “lay a finger in more ways than one” functions as an actual tagline (Like, in addition to putting their hands on him and his candy bar, they're also draping them with amputated fingers?), but it’s probably somewhere in the same arena of blithe, just-go-with-it aversions like its company spokesperson saying, “Butterfinger is always looking to deliver new and exciting entertainment experiences for fans,” and adding that, with Lowe in the director’s seat, Butterfinger The 13th is “sure to be a hit.” After all, that’s a pretty bold statement considering Lowe’s directing career has so far been limited to the little-seen 1997 short Desert’s Edge, pretending to tell Tia Carrere how to handle a big snake in Wayne’s World, and of course, filming himself having sex with a couple of teenagers. Although, in fairness, that last project was pretty funny.
And here's the first teaser trailer, which suggests they're just remaking Student Bodies and sticking Butterfingers in there.