Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

See who's doing Juliette Barnes wrong and how she shalt mete out her punishment on Nashville

Illustration for article titled See who's doing Juliette Barnes wrong and how she shalt mete out her punishment on Nashville

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, May 8. All times are Eastern.

Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): Did you know that if you say even vaguely critical things about this show on Twitter, people will get mad at you? Did you also know that it’s coming up on the end of the season and coming off one of the most ridiculous plots of the TV season, in which Juliette’s mother’s sober companion turned out to be a scheming con artist? And his name was Dante, so symbolism or something? Anyway, Todd VanDerWerff will be watching the last episodes of the season, so why not watch along with him? What’s the worst that could happen?


Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): In the island flashbacks, Oliver tries to prevent a jet from being shot down. This is almost certainly a good idea, as a jet crashing on an island would probably lead to strange events, smoke monsters, and weird clashes between good and evil. Or, as Alasdair Wilkins calls it, Friday.

The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.): “Cassidy delivers some bad news to Axl at the prom,” says the TV Guide summary. We have but one thing to say to this: Nooooooooooooo! We had a lot invested in these two kids! Don’t tell us that sometimes, relationships started in high school don’t work out, Will Harris!

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): Tonight’s episode features the semi-annual visit of the family members. One of these years, somebody’s going to invite Carrie Raisler and all the other Survivor reviewers to the set, and then they’re going to see how the sausage gets made. And probably win a 12-pack of Mountain Dew.

Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): Not enough shows feature plots set at roller rinks, but you can always count on the weirdly timeless comedy (and we mean that literally) of Modern Family to offer up a roller rink-set storyline. Donna Bowman’s last roller rink trip ended with her calling out for the help of the Starlight Express.

Supernatural (The CW, 9 p.m.): This episode is named “Clip Show,” and we hope that if it’s one of those, it does something interesting with the form, like has a demon pursue Sam and Dean through clips of their greatest adventures. Phil Dyess-Nugent would welcome an actual clip show to get the night off.


Psych (USA, 10 p.m.): Gus’ boss is killed, and after he tampers with the crime scene, he becomes a prime suspect in the killing. We just hope that Gus doesn’t become a prime suspect in The Killing, because we think he might dissolve in all that rain. Kevin McFarland doesn’t care about Killing jokes.

TV Roundtable (12 p.m.): Erik Adams and company look into the ultimate TV interloper, as Frank Grimes—or “Grimey,” as he liked to be called—pops up in Springfield, USA, and meets a man named Homer Simpson who drives him just a little bit crazy. Also, Bart somehow ends up with a factory.


Slings & Arrows (1 p.m.): Things are falling apart rather quickly in New Burbage’s production of King Lear, what with all of Charles’ issues and Geoffrey’s inability to keep the cast from drifting apart. But fear not! There are just three episodes left! Todd VanDerWerff is sure this will work out! Right? Right?!

Nature (PBS, 8 p.m.): PBS is going to spend some time peeking into “The Private Life Of Deer,” and we have just one question: Is PBS filled with a bunch of deer perverts?! Honestly, PBS. We know that unchecked government surveillance is something we should worry more about, but not the deer!


The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): Perhaps realizing how little of the TV season is left and how little the rest of its schedule is performing ratings-wise, NBC is tossing a third edition of The Voice on the air this week because why the hell not, you know? We’re sure some people will sing, and some people will leave.

MythBusters (Discovery, 9 p.m.): Some of the captains from Deadliest Catch join the guys to look at myths involving crab pots. Are there a bunch of myths involving crab pots that we just don’t know about? If there are, would you mind perhaps filling us in? Because this seems like a limited premise.


Model Employee (VH1, 10:30 p.m.): Do you have a shitty job you’d like a beautiful woman to perform? Well, thanks to this new reality show, you can hope that they will! Though, actually, the whole thing’s probably in the can, so you’ll have to wait for season two for that to happen. Fingers crossed, dude!

Heavenly Creatures (Flix, 8 p.m.): Before he became the Lord Of The Rings, The Frighteners, and The Lovely Bones, Peter Jackson was one of the Heavenly Creatures, in the movie that introduced Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey to the world! Also, New Zealand is in this movie! You love New Zealand!


The Shining (IFC, 8 p.m.): This is a pretty great movie, but the thing we always come back to is when Shelley Duvall is running all over the hotel with Jack Nicholson in hot pursuit, and then she sees that one guy making the sex with the guy in the dog costume. What’s that all about? Are we right?

MLB Baseball: Twins at Red Sox (ESPN, 7 p.m.): Remember last year when the Red Sox were flailing around, and it was sort of sad but also sort of hilarious? Yeah. Now they have the best record in baseball by a half game, while the Twins are a half game below .500. Should make for a great match-up.


Constitution USA (Tuesday): Eric Thurm takes us on a journey through this Peter Sagal hosted series, which takes us on a journey through the United States Constitution, which takes us on a journey through the minds of the men who attended the Constitutional Convention, which… you probably get the idea.