Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

You may now buy an ugly, slow, Mario-themed TAG Heuer smartwatch for $2,150

The limited edition brand collaboration features old smartwatch tech and garish visuals

It always feels like 4:20 when you’ve got Mario hanging out on your wrist.
It always feels like 4:20 when you’ve got Mario hanging out on your wrist.
Screenshot: TAG Heuer

At long last, wealthy children and adults with more money than they know what to do with can buy a $2,150 Mario-branded smartwatch that combines all the sophistication of an expensive TAG Heuer product with decorations featuring a CGI cartoon plumber.

Advertisement

An article from Ars Technica gets right to the heart of things by calling the Mario watch “a dog-slow Wear OS device that will be obsolete soon” right in its sub-headline. While running down the technical specifications of the “TAG Heuer Connected X Super Mario Limited Edition,” the article explains that it’s “an extremely expensive ... smartwatch with extremely dated internals” where “you’ll mostly be paying for the TAG Heuer and Nintendo name.”

“In terms of the computer hardware,” it continues, “you could get the same thing from a $300 Wear OS device.” The tech is basically so old that it’s unlikely to receive any updates going forward.

As a promotional video shows, the watch also looks pretty goofy, and is unlikely to appeal to anyone but the most serious of Mario heads who want to wear a Wii U-era version of the character on their person at all times. There are some power-up symbols on different parts of the face and an ever-vigilant cartoon character who stares out at you, his big eyes watching over every move you make so you never need to feel alone again.

The saving grace, we guess, is that it’s a smartwatch that can track its wearer’s steps and do things like visually celebrate achieving a goal by showing a little Mario sliding down a flagpole. That’s pretty neat, really, and probably enough of an attraction that the very rich may as well just toss a couple thousand more dollars at this latest bit of Nintendo nostalgia to go along with their multi-million dollar copies of his games.

[via Boing Boing]

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com