Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

5 Trends I Just Made Up Looking Around The Office

Good news! There's a new trend, everyone: Man-Girls. Or Lady-Boys. (Oops. Not those kind of Lady-Boys. This trend has nothing whatsoever to do with sex tourism in Thailand.) Apparently, gals these days don't dress like Donna Reed. They're casual sometimes and, yet, they're women! They're called "Urbane Tomboys," but what they really should be called is "Pretty Much Everyone."
From the NY Observer:

It was just a few years ago that everyone was nattering about the metrosexual, the New York man who, though straight, loved his Kiehl's and Thomas Pink tattersall shirts and is addicted to Grey's Anatomy. Less discussed has been his female counterpart: gals who, while not lesbians, dress like guys (young guys), well into their 30's; who leap into games of pickup basketball with male friends while the rest of us watch wanly from the sidelines; who affect a wry detachment from their sex's conventional concerns of shoe-shopping, man-hunting and family. Think of the comedienne Sarah Silverman, mugging and shrugging and strumming her way through an "I'm F*cking Matt Damon" video, a birthday gift to her boyfriend, ABC talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel. Or matter-of-fact Juno actress Ellen Page. Or surly pop star Avril Lavigne.

Illustration for article titled 5 Trends I Just Made Up Looking Around The Office

I didn't know that not being a lesbian while not wearing a dress is a trend, but that's why I read: to learn. Apparently, though, sometimes these Urbane Tomboys (UTs) wear dresses. So what defines them? Um, basically everything. And at the same time nothing. This is a trend I can get behind: basic human existence.

You're an UT if you sometimes wear make-up, but also if you sometimes leave the house bare-faced; if you wear sneakers, but sometimes dress up. In short: if you're alive.

(These women are NOT UTs. Also, they're probably deceased.)

Then there's this:

Key to this type is a certain willful naïveté about the baffling stratagems of conventional female life. They like to order Scotch at bars, rather than fruity drinks like cosmos; roll their own cigarettes; and profess to not know their way around a powder puff.

Powder puff? Oh, I see. This piece was obviously written by the year 1942—probably scribbled on the back of a war bond at the lunch counter while watching the gals from the secretary pool straighten the seams on their nylons. That makes a lot more sense.

Also, people who talk about rolling their own cigarettes aren't called "Urbane Tomboys," they're called "assholes."

Still, I had no idea trend-spotting was as easy as giving a dumb new name to something that has existed for decades. With that in mind, here are a 5 Trends I Just Made Up Looking Around The Office.

1. Caffeinists. It used to be that people would drink coffee in a kitchen, or at a coffee shop or other designated coffee location (most tables). But there is a young class of workers who are taking the ol' cup of Joe to a new place: their desks. For the Caffeinists, work is all sip and type, sip and type.

2. Jokees. Some young employees have decided to bring something besides their laptop to work every morning: Laughter. Called Jokees, these brash, bold, and fun-loving workers occasionally make jokes, laugh out loud (LOL), or giggle while at the workplace in addition to doing their assigned work.

3. Viejos Nuevos. Are you over the age of 49 and very much alive? Congratulations! You're a part of the wave of people who are new to being old. Keep breathing, you trendsetter, you.

4. Glasses-Guys. Once called "four-eyes" or "individuals with myopia," certain men have embraced wearing glasses—and not just because they need them to see (Even though, yes, that is the only reason they're wearing corrective lenses).

5. Gal Whatevs. Is there a person who works in your office but you have no idea what they do? Chances are, they're a Gal Whatevs, part of the new trend in loosely-defined, or sometimes totally undefined, jobs and internships.