Confessions On VH1's Confessions Of A Teen Idol

By Amelie Gillette  |  December 17, 2008 | 6:52pm
Aux Features Hater

Keeping in line with their better has-beens through useless TV-therapy programming strategy (See: Breaking Bonaduce, Scott Baio Is 45 And In Therapy On VH1, Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew Starring Dr. Drew Hey Did We Mention Dr. Drew? Because He Really Wants To Become Famous, Oh And Help People), VH1 rounded up some 80s and 90s teen idols, like that guy from Baywatch, the guy responsible for "How Do You Talk To An Angel?", and Eric Nies, and put them in some kind of useless TV group therapy for Confessions Of A Teen Idol.

From VH1:

"This is not like any reality show you've ever seen before. It is not a competition and there are no eliminations. But there is refreshingly honest (and at times very dramatic) look at the addiction of fame and a real opportunity for each one of these guys to get that stardom back."

Correction: If you've never watched VH1, thenConfessions Of A Teen Idol is not like any reality show you've ever seen before. But the network is right about one thing: the show does give the idols a chance to "get that stardom back." They can go from Teen Star, to Former Teen Star Who's In Group Therapy On A Crappy VH1 Celebreality Show, the second that the show airs.

The question remains: what will the confessions on Confessions Of A Teen Idol be? (Besides, obviously, "I had a drug problem," "Early fame can be so hard, wah, wah," "I didn't realize what I had when I had it," Etc.) Judging by this promo photo some of the confessions may include: "I hung out with the guy from Maroon 5 once. He was all, 'Call me Adam,' and I was all, 'Sure thing, brah.' It was very chill. We were supposed to hang out again, but then Adam got super-busy in the studio and stuff."

"These are tattoo sleeves."

"If you were injured through no fault of your own, pick up the phone and call me now. If I don't get you a settlement, you pay nothing: Guaranteed. Just ask some of my clients…"

"Yo, my chakras are mad aligned. This medallion represents that my chi is, like, intense."

"For the past 5 years, I've scammed free hotel rooms by pretending to be Mike Myers. Unfortunately, after The Love Guru that scam doesn't work anymore."

"Once, I got really aroused watching Turtle and Drama interact on Entourage. I didn't know what it meant, but now I think I know: That show is hilarious, and I laugh with my penis."

 
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