Fresh off his appearance in the second (still excellent) season of I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson, lake- and bike-based talk show host Conner O’Malley has returned to the internet with an invitation to join him, once again, in the cyber world that awaits all mortals brave enough to live within it.
After introducing us to the “age of computer” and starring in a Hudson Yards video game, O’Malley has clearly established his bona fides as a science fiction visionary on par with the genre’s greats. Now, with Endorphin Port, he’s ready to show us what lies on the other side of the great divide between our flesh and the digital world.
Over the sound of ominous music, O’Malley walks the snow-covered streets of New York City, smoking cigarettes in a suit and explaining the need for “a new place where you can do whatever you want”—a “new computer place” called Endorphin Port. Now that it isn’t as “cool” to be on the computer anymore, O’Malley cries out for Endorphin Port to exist as a land where “we can be epic mind soldiers who live by the assassin’s creed and do the most epic of legendary behavior.” He paints an image of all we could have there, living in a digital world where racism and sexism no longer exist and anyone can dispose of their physical bodies to make avatars that let them be “Gollum, six-foot tall, jacked, [with] a huge fucking cock and an ass like the mom from The Incredibles.”
The end sees CGI O’Malley at last transported to a world (created by Cole Kush and Jason Harvey) where his cool avatar plays rock concerts, hangs out with aliens, battles armies of old men, rides a Halo Warthog, and recites poetry like “Earth with no rules, just right/Water will be replaced with Sprite” and “No sick, no lonely, no complain/Fuck like Superman with an iron brain.”
Once finished showing off the beauty of Endorphin Port, the video provides a link to follow. The website it points to currently consists of Kush and Harvey’s CG vistas, watched over by a green alien pope, and an invitation to enter your email address. If you don’t, a chatbot with a cool smiley emoji avatar named for “your boy, Jeremy” writes, “for real let me get your email?”
Refusing to give in to its demands prompts the bot to type, “WHAT THE FUCLK,” “Bro i fucking need your email or my manger will littely spank me in front of the other guy,” and explains that it “cant go to lunch until i get a nother email.” Relenting causes the chatbot to bemoan modern life, talk about its fears of being hated, quote Drake lyrics, then scream threats in all caps before apologizing by saying it was “hangry” and needed to eat a Snickers bar.
If you want to gain access to the cyber world, we suppose heading on over there is probably the best place to start.
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