In America, we like to pretend that we are all, in our own way, important. Even if we’re not “creating jobs” or dropping bombs on people, something somewhere would fall apart if we weren’t there pushing that paper or mustarding those hot dogs. Our society is built on this delusion, because otherwise it would be virtually impossible for the vast majority of us to get through each bleak and miserable day. A delusion is what it is, though, and sometimes it’s a good idea to admit that. As “important” as we may be, there are some people who are actually more important. Those people, the golden gods of these United States, are known as celebrities, and we aren’t fit to lick the dirt off of their Walk Of Fame stars.
Being a celebrity obviously comes with a lot of perks, including being able to get away with grisly crimes and the permission to act like it’s somehow a huge hassle for people to pay attention to you. But now Facebook is adding another one to the list: Access to a brand new live-streaming video service. According to Variety, Facebook is launching a new live broadcasting tool that select “VIPs” can use to stream video to their fans. People watching the videos will also be able to send messages to the celebrities in real time, which they can then respond to, assuming it’s not too much trouble for them. Once they’re done, the videos will be safely uploaded to the celebrity’s Facebook page, where they can then play for any and all visitors.
All of this might sound a little bit like Meerkat or Periscope, but this has a few things that those wretched proletariat apps don’t have: Dwayne Johnson, Serena Williams, Ashley Tisdale, Michael Bublé, Lester Holt, and Martha Stewart, all of whom are planning to broadcast things on their Facebook pages. Oh, sure, Meerkat has Al Roker, but he’s nothing but a cheery consolation prize. This nameless Facebook thing is clearly where it’s at. (And by “it,” we mean celebrities who are probably being paid to be part of an elaborate scheme to get more people to go on Facebook so they can be advertised at. You know, “it.”)