Photo: Alex Livesey - FIFA/Getty Images

If the idea of watching all three The Lord of the Rings movies back-to-back is dangerously indulgent, watching all three extended editions of the movie trilogy in one go is downright gluttonous. British writer Nate Crowley, apparently acknowledging this, went one step further than just plain audiovisual overload, coupling what must have been a butt-numbing voyage across Middle-earth with a many-coursed meal meant to emulate what’s eaten on screen.

Crowley, who munched his way through the movies in recognition of the one-year anniversary of his father’s death, set out with a menu inspired by “key eating scenes” from the movies, spanning simple tea and cake to a mystical spread of salt pork, rye bread, and pickled vegetables.

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As he gets started, things are immediately complicated by those nasty Hobbitses’ love of second breakfast, but soon calm down into an orderly fellowship of regularly scheduled, smaller fare like bacon, sausages, and tomato alongside bigger meals like an Elvish feast of“Lembas bread” (butter puffs), hummus, and grapes.

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The rest of the quest to the volcanic pits of Crowley’s stomach involves pitched combat against culinary foes like a chicken dinner, some Orc-inspired chocolate milk, an ill-fated encounter with a sardine-based hell concoction, musings on why a “smoke-along” version of the marathon is ill-advised, and, most memorably, a carnivorous tribute to the series’ slavering monster army.

Presumably a follow-up marathon through the Hobbit trilogy would involve an unevenly cooked single course, extended with awkwardly-inserted mouthfuls of time-wasting, CGI-generated bread.

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[via Mashable]