Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

How To Build Better High Fructose Corn Syrup Propaganda

There's a pair of relentless, annoying ads in circulation right now that essentially ask which kind of jerk you'd rather be: the judgmental mom who is a hopeless idiot, the mom who cheerfully shills for the corn refiners association, or one of the moms in the background avoiding the whole conversation by drinking water.

"Like what? That it's made from corn." Great defense, Corn Refiners Association. Because everything made from corn is natural and healthy.

I'm no Don Draper (not even Don Draper is Don Draper), but isn't the whole idea behind a commercial like this to change the perception of high fructose corn syrup, not reinforce it? Right now, people think that high fructose corn syrup is gross, unnatural, and very unhealthy. Watching a jerky mom school a judgmental mom while wielding an unmarked plastic gallon jug full of bright purple/red unidentifiable liquid and saying, "It's fine in moderation," doesn't really help that image.

Really, there's no way that you could make something called "high fructose corn syrup" sound good for you. Which is why, instead of irritating the public with defensive commercials featuring gross, brightly colored "juice," the Corn Refiners Association should just call "high fructose corn syrup" something more appealing: like "Deliciosity™," or "Yummy Tummy Syrup™," or "So You Think You Can Sweeten?™" or "Fun Sugar™"

No one would ever think that So You Think You Can Sweeten? could be horribly bad for them. It just sounds so friendly!


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