Nathan Rabin's Omnibus to Nowhere Hey y'alls, My thoughts have been a little scattered as of late so I figgered I'd let em' fly drive-by style with an omnibus post detailing what's currently rocking and rolling the Nathan Rabin movement Item 1: Mike Jones! Mike Jones! Self-promotion is an integral a part of both the hip and the hop and nobody's taken it further than Mike Jones or as I like to call him Mike Jones! Mike Jones! I can't say I remember too much about his new album Who Is Mike Jones? (answer: a guy who likes screaming his name and phone number as often as possible) But I can't for the life of me get his frigging name out of my head. Mike Jones! Mike Jones! See, it's damn infectious. Homeboy rhythmically shouts his name out so often on the CD that it becomes a crucial percussive element. And it's working: P.T Barnum and Eddie Bernays couldn't have dreamed up a better means of self-promotion. Huzzah, Mike Jones. Hats off to you. You are truly a name worth remembering. Nathan Rabin! Nathan Rabin! Item 2: Jay-Z's verse on Kanyeezy's "Diamonds From Sierra Leone" (Remix) In my review of Memphis Bleek's surprisingly not-terrible newish album I compared Bleek to an unpopular kid whose birthday parties are well-attended solely because the popular kids are hoping to catch a glimpse of his famous father. Jay-Z's new verse on the remix to Kanye West's "Diamonds From Sierra Leone" takes this idea even further. "Bleek could be one hit away his whole career, as long as I'm alive he's a millionaire/and even if I die he's in my will somewhere, so he can just kick back and chill somewhere" Jay-Z raps and I'll be damned if it doesn't sound like S. Carter is essentially saying "I know none of you kids like my loser son Memphis Bleek but he's still daddy's special little man and even if none of you want to play with him I'm still buying him a pony and a go-kart and the new PS2 so you can all grow screw yourself. I'm all the friends he needs. Gosh, thanks pops. Item 3: Smokey Robinson's "Virgin Man" Has there ever been a sexier song about an unsexy topic than Smokey Robinson's "Virgin Man"? The standout track on the 40 Year Old Virgin soundtrack the song seems to anticipate the very winning hit romantic comedy with the lines "When I'm with my friends and the man talk begins and they brag about all the love they've known/I sit in the corner all alone". Alas, the best the hapless titular virgin-man can do is "listen" on account of the most he's done is "just some kissing". Robinson delves deeper into the male virgin's existential despair, noting "people say he must be funny/cause he ain't had a taste of honey". Robinson isn't afraid to take on sexual double standards either, pondering "How come people say, a lady virgin that's O.K but when the conversation turns around/The virgin man, they always put him down". Can we give Smokey a story credit on the film at least? "Can you love a Virgin man?" asks the song's silky smooth chorus. Damn, with a lush Philly Soul groove this seductive the answer is "Hells motherfunking yes.". Nathan Rabin! Nathan Rabin! Item 4: The S.E Hinton name game In my forthcoming review of The Outsiders and Rumble Fish I comment on how surprisingly feminine both films/books fundamentally are. This is perhaps most glaring when it comes to the name of The Outsiders' poetry reciting, sunset-loving, Gone With The Wind-reading protagonist, Ponyboy. Good lord, he might as well be named Rainbowlad or Unicorn Jones. I was quite the S.E Hinton fiend back in the day so I'm throwing this question out there: has anybody read her more recent work? How is it? Doesn't it involve a vampire or something? How does it compare to her YA classics? Please do hit us up with the S.E Hinton 411 if'n you're feeling so inclined. Nathan Rabin! Nathan Rabin! That is all.

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