Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, March 4. All times are Eastern.
CSI: Cyber (CBS, 10 p.m.): Television-watching finally has meaning again with the much-anticipated series premiere of CSI: Cyber. This CSI spin-off has everything: Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette. Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23’s James Van Der Beek. Lil’ Bow Wow’s Bow Wow. Also, what better way to start a show about the horrors of the good old black mirror than with an episode titled “Kidnapping 2.0”? It’s a case about hacked baby monitors, everyone! You’re right, CSI: Cyber—regular kidnapping is obsolete. Consider us jacked in.
Molly Eichel has provided a pre-air review of three CSI: Cyber episodes, and she describes the show as feeling “like a cautionary tale best suited for those who don’t really understand” technology or the Internet. When you think of it that way, this show might just be able to save some lives. Or at least prevent the second episode of the show from being leaked online the day before. Thank you, CSI: Cyber.
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): By the way, there are now 30 seasons of Survivor. It’s crazy, because it hardly looks a day over 20. This week, in “It Will Be My Revenge,” the “White Collar castaways strip down and embrace their free-spirited ‘no collar’ tendencies.” That sounds absolutely disturbing to us, but Scott Von Doviak is willing to give it the benefit of the doubt.
The 100 (The CW, 9 p.m.): This week’s episode of The 100, “Blood Must Have Blood,” is a two-parter, so you know things are about to get really real. It sounds like this episode is the calm before the storm, with Clarke and Lexa preparing for battle and Octavia and Lincoln being forced to make a difficult decision. Given how dark The 100 can get, the actual episode probably isn’t as vague as the episode description. But if it is, Kyle Fowle has a lot of explaining to do.
Broadchurch (BBC America, 10 p.m.): Broadchurch season two is here, and with that, comes all of the laughs and hijinks that came with season one. What’s that? Oh. Broadchurch is actually a fantastic crime drama? And this season is focusing on the trial of Joe Miller? Sorry about that. Luckily, Gwen Ihnat is back for season two reviews, and she absolutely knows what’s going on when it comes to the show.
Man Seeking Woman (FXX, 10:30 p.m.): Man Seeking Woman, you were just renewed for a second season! What are you going to do next? “Josh is convinced that he’s finally found his soul mate.” Kate Kulzick is pretty sure that’s just the show’s premise, but who is she to judge? She didn’t just get renewed for a second season.
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.)
Empire (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m)
Workaholics (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.)
The Americans (FX, 10 p.m.)
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FXX, 10 p.m.)
Broad City (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.)
Stephen Bowie conducted a Random Roles interview with David E. Kelley favorite Anthony Heald. There’s also the latest Inventory, which takes stock of famous fans who ends up as guest stars on the shows they love.
And at 11 a.m., be on the lookout for John Teti’s For Our Consideration piece, praising the “slowness” of AMC’s Better Call Saul. We’re hoping that might interest some of you.
Lost (Classic) (1 p.m.): Myles McNutt’s Classic coverage of Lost is back, baby! Forget we just collectively called you all “baby.” It’s time for season three coverage, with the season premiere, “A Tale Of Two Cities.” Does Jack become absolutely Dickensian? Maybe. You have to read the piece to find out. That’s how these things work.
Melissa & Joey (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): Looks like we’ve got ourselves a two-parter, Melissa & Joey heads! (That’s what you call yourselves, right?) In “Parental Guidance, Part 1,” Joe has to be a parent to his daughter. For that, two episodes are needed.
American Idol (Fox, 8 p.m.): Who’s in your “Top 8” list of celebrity guys? If it’s anyone in American Idol’s list of Top 8 Guys (who are performing tonight), please tell us more about that.
The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): Welcome to NBC, the home of The Voice, The Blacklist, and—if NBC has its way—nothing else. Tonight, NBC gets one step closer with two hours of “Best Of” clips for this season’s blind auditions. That is a productive use of one’s schedule, don’t you think?
Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): This week on Nashville, Rayna James is being honored by the Grand Ole Opry, because the CMA Awards episode wasn’t enough. Also, Sadie (American treasure Laura Benanti) appears on Good Morning America and “goes public about her private battle.” The most important part of all of this is that the episode is titled “That’s The Way Love Goes,” which means the whole plot could be a red herring and the episode (thankfully) is a musical tribute to Janet Jackson.
Schitt’s Creek (POP, 10 p.m.): Are you watching the terrific Schitt’s Creek yet? Of course you are—you love to show off your televisual superiority at dinner parties! So you’ll be happy to know that, this week, while Johnny and Moira go to have some alone time up in the Mayor’s cabin, David and Alexis decide to throw a party in their motel room. The latter is as hilariously depressing (or depressingly hilarious) as it sounds.
Suits (USA, 10 p.m.): That’s a wrap on the fourth season of Suits. This second half sure has happened. According to the episode synopsis, the season finale is going to be about plots from the first half of the season. What is the point of halves then, Suits? Still, it means Neal McDonough, Zeljko Ivanek, and Eric Roberts will be in the episode, so be prepared, Suitsies. (That’s what Suits fans are called, right?)
The Lost Boys (Sundance, 8 p.m.): Do you still believe?
NBA Basketball: Lakers At Heat (ESPN, 8 p.m.): The Heat have won their last six home games, and back in January, they beat the Lakers in a crazy close game of 78-75. Will history repeat itself tonight?
Lucha Underground (El Rey, 8 p.m.): Alberto El Patron (the former Alberto Del Rio) is in action tonight against his current AAA rival, Texano. Really, all you need to know is that Alberto Del Patron is in action.
New Girl: In his review for “Walk Of Shame,” Erik Adams brings up (and commends) the fact that New Girl’s characters “do embarrassing stuff all the time, but they’re never embarrassed.” Your friendly, neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor likes to call that “the theme song to The Facts Of Life” approach to characterization.