Gee, thanks a lot, CBS. We had just managed to pray our way out of the Hieronymus Bosch painting that is our modern society’s moral turpitude, and America was finally starting to look like the kind of place you might actually want to raise your kids in—and then you had to come and Shit My Dad Says all over our nice clean consciences. Thankfully your sins will not escape condemnation by our guardian angels at the Parents Television Council who—having finally erased all traces of Janet Jackson’s areola glistening in the February air from our collective memory through their still ongoing, six-years-and-counting battle—is now free to turn its attention elsewhere, and issue statements on equally important matters. And what should they find but CBS once more demonstrating “its contempt for families and the public” by basing a sitcom on a Twitter feed? Oh, and also by trying to sneak the word “shit” in there by using a clever combination of random symbols that is FOOLING NO ONE, which is way worse. Let this press release shame you all into whimpering contrition!
LOS ANGELES (May 20, 2010) — The Parents Television Council denounced CBS for choosing to insert an expletive into the name of its new show, “$#*! My Dad Says,” scheduled to air at 8:30 pm ET/PT on Thursdays in the fall. “CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public. There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) — it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. There is incredible irony that CBS made this announcement the same day that it submitted its legal brief before the Third Circuit Court declaring that there was no mens rea to air an indecent Super Bowl broadcast."
Indeed, the irony is incredible—more evidence of CBS’ clear allegiance with the forces of sin, vice, nipples, and naughty naughty words. And yes, what of these “infinite number of alternatives” that could have taken the place of that heinous grawlix scrawled like a cartoon weiner on the peacefully slumbering face of our nuclear family? What was wrong, exactly, with Stuff My Dad Says? Who wouldn’t be intrigued by the far less in-your-face “Love!,” My Dad Says? Bible Verses My Dad Says? Community Service-Related Job Openings My Dad Says? Gentle Murmurings Of Fatherly Affection My Dad Says? Petty, Irrelevant Moralist Battles That Distract From Much More Difficult Issues But Are A Great Way To Get Your Meaningless Organization In The Papers My Dad Says? The possibilities are endless, and the network’s refusal to choose any of them leaves the Parents Television Council no choice but to urge you to never watch $#*! My Dad Says, airing Thursdays at 8:30 p.m. ET/PT on CBS this fall.