As we enter the sweltering months of summer—the sun beating down, sweat dripping from our brows, our psyches releasing the pent-up ennui of a thousand nights spent inside wondering what fresh hell a global pandemic will exact next upon a population just trying to get by—one’s thoughts inevitably turn to when we’ll all get to see Green Day perform “Basket Case” on a lavishly sponsored stage. It’s called fun! And it is coming your way, in the form of the usual deluge of outdoor music festivals littering the country, like little doggie accidents on our national pee pad.
These festivals come in all shapes and sizes: Separated by size, genre, audience, or even ideology in some of the more awkward cases, there’s something for everyone to be found out there. To help you decide which fleeting monuments to capitalist rapaciousness (and the attendant artistic effort to push back against the encroaching darkness) you should visit, we’ve put together this handy list of some of the most notable events taking place over the next few shiny summer months. Take a look, maybe take a listen to the artists who will be performing, and see which festival looks best for you. We apologize in advance for the lack of an “Express Your Helpless Frustration At The Whims Of The Wealthy Dictating An Increasingly Feudal-Like Existence For The Rest Of Humanity As Oligarchs Use Bad-Faith Culture War Propaganda To Keep The Working Class Pitted Against Itself Instead Of Against Them” Festival this year, but it was bought out and renamed the “Doritos Presents The TikTok And JP Morgan Chase Funfetti Celebration Starring The Chainsmokers.”
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