5 Things I Learned About Molly Shannon

5 Things I Learned About Molly Shannon

(from reading her recent "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" list in Esquire)

1. Everything Molly Shannon knows about women she learned from a combination of the hilarious homespun wisdom of Cathy comics and the extremely sharp observations of Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus.

1. At the same rate you're losing your hair, we're getting a mustache.

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2. We're not afraid you're cheating on us; we're afraid you're retarded.

3. We thought we'd end up with someone hotter, too.

4. There's nothing less sexy than catching a guy sniffing the butt of his jeans to see if they're clean.

2. Molly Shannon is very comfortable in short shorts and stilettos.

3. For Molly Shannon, the line between sexy and un-sexy falls right between Richie Sambora and the rest of the men on the planet.

5. An open shirt isn't sexy. Richie Sambora can't pull it off. Neither can you. One or two buttons undone at the top of your shirt max.

4. Molly Shannon is totally a Samantha!!

6. Don't bother with the G-spot until you've mastered the A, B, C, D, E, and F-spots.

7. "Island wear" is a cue to us that you're bad in bed.

5. Molly Shannon might be a robot programmed to spout all the women vs. men cliches that were rejected by Sex & The City writers for being too cliched. Either that, or she secretly ghost-wrote the movie What Women Want.

8. It's not the thought that counts; it's whether or not we can return it and get what we really want.

9. The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up.

10. Sometimes no means "I would have, but you're over thirty and spend your nights playing Xbox.