Anyone who’s suffered from heartbreak knows that one of the worst aspects is the discovery, months later, that your awful, jerky-jerk of an ex still has that copy of Lovecraft Country you loaned them from forever ago. What do you do in that scenario? Text them out of the blue? Sneak into their home when they aren’t there to retrieve it? Desperately attempt to win back their heart because you’ve realized the error of your ways, and that your relationship with that awful, jerky-jerk deserves a second chance? Well, thankfully, the late capitalist, gig economy is here to save the day once again!
Created by Ani Acopian and Suzy Shinn with help from program developer, Brian Wagner, Postdates is a “fully operational [emphasis theirs] parody of a company that goes by a very similar name,” providing rapid recovery of all manner of personal items left at a former flame’s abode. After selecting the proper relationship scenario background—an exhausting list including such situations as “Casually Dated,” “Lived Together,” “Friendzoned,” “Went Back to Your Ex,” and even “Divorced”—customers can then create a shopping list of missing items like muffin pans, game consoles, dog bowls, and house keys. There’s also an option to do the reverse and initiate returns on your own, if the memory of your ex is particularly haunting.
Upon confirmation and agreement between both parties in said heartbreak, Postdates will then dispatch a gig economy retriever within 24 hours to obtain your desired ephemera. “Yes, it actually works,” reads the site description, adding that the designers’ hope was to “build a functioning pop-up business designed to bring humor to an otherwise shitty situation.”
Postdates notes that this is a limited-time business, and can only be obtained in either Los Angeles or New York (for a $25 / $30 fee, respectively), so anyone interested in those cities should probably finally face their past relationship demons and get back that damn Apple TV you loaned them at the beginning of quarantine.
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