As Thanksgiving Day rapidly approaches, Americans are winding up work responsibilities, finalizing travel plans, and—if a recent report from PornHub.com is to be believed—getting in all the masturbation they can. That’s because a new interactive infographic from the Internet’s jack-off fulcrum confirms what many mothers already choose to believe: No one touches themselves on major holidays. Or, fewer people, anyway, as PornHub traffic in the U.S. sees a nearly 30-percent drop-off on Thanksgiving, even though the Pilgrims specifically came to this country in order to escape that sort of Puritanical rule over when to spank it. Of course, then it spikes right back up the day after Thanksgiving, as all that talk about "stuffing" finally gets to Americans, while they wait in Black Friday lines and are forced to find a way to pass the time.
Thanksgiving Day
Black Friday
As you might expect, PornHub viewing is down across the globe on Christmas Day, when everyone is likely busy watching old-fashioned porn DVDs as a family. (That’s not the case in Japan, however, seeing as an estimated 90-percent of all Christmas gifts in Japan are porn-related.)
Christmas Day
Also of note: Some major news events, such as the death of Osama Bin Laden, also sparked a decrease in porn traffic, presumably as patriotism is boner-inducing enough. Others, such as Felix Baumgartner’s space dive, caused porn traffic to make its own epic jump, as Americans were inspired by the stunning testament to all that man is capable of to queue up some shorter, dirtier testaments. And across the pond, the UK had the decorum to wait until after Prince William and Kate Middleton completed their fairy-tale wedding before its citizens returned to pretending to be part of some other couple’s relations.
Death of Osama Bin Laden
Felix Baumgartner's Space Dive
The Royal Wedding
Still, if you really want to be alone with your porn, there’s nothing like New Year’s Eve: Nearly everyone in the world chooses to ring in the night in some way besides wringing in the night, as their old acquaintance porn is forgotten. So this year, don’t think of spending New Year’s Eve masturbating as a sad and lonely exercise; think of it as celebrating with otherwise-neglected porn stars.
New Year's Eve