Baby with misfortune to be born to Kanye West and Kim Kardashian also has hilarious name
Having recently become inducted as the Steve Jobs of babies, Kanye West innovated baby names this week by christening his newborn daughter “North West.” And, as with all of Kanye’s output, Internet reaction was swift, mixed, and inescapable, as the world rushed to be the first to make jokes as easy as taking candy from a baby, while snickering, “Hey baby, nice name.” The effects rippled throughout the world: Buoyed by the populace’s collective sneering derision being momentarily lifted from his own shoulders, Lebron James was able to sink five three-pointers to win the NBA title. Throngs of people flooded Brazil, chanting, “HEY, DID YOU SEE THAT AWFUL ROB REINER MOVIE NORTH, WHERE THE KID DIVORCES HIMSELF FROM HIS ASSHOLE PARENTS BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO WRAPPED UP IN THEMSELVES? WHAT AN AMUSING PARALLEL” in Portugese.
Elsewhere, Illuminati conspiracy theorists noted the day and time in their ledgers, anxiously awaiting the birth of the couple’s next child, such as “45 Yards,” for the further directions that would lead them to the secret map revealing the Merovingian bloodline. Hoping to throw them off the scent, Kim Kardashian immediately set about clarifying that they would call her “Nori”, the edible seaweed whose scientific name is P. yezoenis—or is it P. YEEZoenis? (No.) Kanye West immediately set about writing songs with references to his “North Star,” “True North,” and perhaps even his “North Pole,” should he decide his lyrics could use a dick pun.