Recently, Bill O'Reilly (of discounted Bill O'Reilly jigsaw puzzle, and "No Spin" polo shirt fame) momentarily stopped slapping his name and the American flag on high-quality merchandise shipped from China, stepped out of his no-spin comfort zone, and had dinner with a real, live black person–Al Sharpton.
According to this re-cap of his radio show, the experience was evidently an eye-opening one for O'Reilly. For starters, O'Reilly learned that black people own and run restaurants too! And, despite what you might think, those restaurants are exactly like restaurants run by white people, with tables and chairs, and food, and everything:
And I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship. It was the same, and that's really what this society's all about now here in the U.S.A.
Well put, O'Reilly. Who knew that "separate but equal" still existed today, that it could be stretched to fit restaurants, and that it actually means separate but equal?
O'Reilly was also pleasantly surprised to find that black people can exist outside of rap videos, with all of their "M-Fer this, M-Fer that." Turns out, some black people can sit down and eat in a restaurant without yelling obscenities–just like white people!
There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "M-Fer, I want more iced tea."
O'REILLY: You know, I mean, everybody was — it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all.
Wow. So, despite what hacky comedians would have you believe, white people aren't all, "Hello, Jim. How are you today?" while black people are all, "Yo Jim! Where's my motherfucking iced tea?" That's incredible.
Unfortunately, though, the difference between normal people and Bill O'Reilly has grown that much wider–because while normal people are all, "You know, I had a nice dinner the other day," Bill O'Reilly is all, "You know, I ate dinner with a black person the other day, and he could use a knife and a fork! Also, I'm a racist."