Disney has launched a marketing campaign aimed at newborn babies, finally recognizing the millions in untapped capital it loses during those few precious hours before a child is old enough to begin being inundated by the corporation’s branding. As part of the company’s top-priority Disney Baby strategy, a Disney representative will visit new, exhausted mothers in their hospital beds and offer them a free Disney Cuddly Bodysuit—which is much like a traditional Onesie, but adorned with lovable Disney characters to which the newborn can begin forming immediate consumer attachment.
But “apparel is only a beachhead,” in the not-at-all-unsettlingly-aggressive words of Disney’s Andy Mooney, who sees the Cuddly Bodysuit as just the first taste of what will hopefully become a burgeoning addiction to future Disney Baby products like bath toys, strollers, and even baby food, which will introduce that special magic of Disney to your child’s internal organs, and forge an implicit association between Disney and survival. Going one step further, Mooney is also planning a “loyalty program” that will provide pregnant women with free theme-park tickets—to be used later, presumably—in exchange for signing up for e-mail updates, saying, “To get that mom thinking about her family’s first park experience before her baby is even born is a home run” while stroking a snarling Disney-brand Dalmatian. It’s the boldest move Disney has made yet toward instilling a lifetime of faithfulness to its company, at least until it figures out how to make a pill that transforms the uterus into a “screening womb” where fetuses can watch The Lion King. [via Movieline]