Oh Grammys! Each year I can feel you trying hard for legitimacy. Each year you never quite get it right. It's cute, really. You're like the 48-year-old suburban dad who thinks owning an Audioslave CD sets him apart. Somewhere deep inside you know you're the least legitimate major awards group. But you keep trying.

So, yeah, thank you for a Best Alternative Music Album category that makes sense. It's nice to know you've heard of the Arcade Fire. And, oh yeah, U2. They're still good. Thanks for nominating them for that album came out last year past your inexplicably early deadline. And, uh, yeah, The White Stripes are on there a couple times. That's cool. John Legend. Fine. Fiona Apple, Kanye West, The Killers… There are some good names on here.

But, wow, Male Pop Vocal Performance: Paul McCartney, Jack Johnson, Rob Thomas, Seal… Did you just watch SUV commercials and pick your choices from there? The Black Eyed Peas?!? The Black Eyed Peas?!?

Okay, I'll stop there. Ragging on the Grammys hasn't been necessary since the great Jethro Tull Fiasco of '89. We're rooting for you Grammys. Maybe someday you'll be an accurate representation of what was best about music the year before. (Or at least an awards ceremony where the rules make sense, like the Oscars.) Right now, you just seem as crazy out of touch as ever. At least the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards represent, you know, kids' choices. Who knows who the Grammys represent?