February 20, 2008

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is
30. He's been married three times and has six children from a variety of women.
I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he's one of those guys who wanted a family.
Anyway, long story short, I feel insecure because he has had a MILLION
experiences and I have not. So I asked him to take his porn off our computer.
He did so.

When I came home today and sat at the computer,
I noticed there was lubricant next to the keyboard. I thought to myself,
"That's not where I saw you last." I looked at his folders (I KNOW: violation
of privacy) and I didn't see any porn. So I went to the Internet browser to
look at the "history," and guess what? It had all been deleted. I know his
computer is not set to automatic history clearance, so he had to clear it
manually.

Can I be a bitch and ask him about this?
"I noticed that you deleted your history—and what is the lube doing
here?" Or should I let it drop? I know it's unrealistic to expect him never to
masturbate. I just don't want him looking at other girls while he does. My
bitchy side is just ROARING to get out. HELP!

Keep
The Bitch Caged

What we have here, KTBC, is a failure to
correctly diagnose the problem.

Why is this 30-year-old, thrice-married,
six-times-a-father guy with you? Because men like your boyfriend prefer to date
pathetic, inexperienced 20-year-olds because they're foolish enough—you are foolish enough—to swallow his
bullshit ("I'm one of those guys who always wanted a family") and regurgitate
it on cue ("He's one of those guys who always wanted a family"). Someone who
wants a family doesn't start and destroy three of them before age 30. Those
aren't the actions of an aspiring family man, little miss, those are the
actions of a sociopath.

As for his masturbatory habits, KTBC, as I
see it, the more of his supercharged spunk that winds up in dirty T-shirts and
crusty socks, the better. Married three times, six kids by a variety of women,
and a 20-year-old girlfriend who, due to her youth and inexperience, fails to
see his marital and reproductive histories for the relationship-ending deal-breakers
they ought to be, and who sends advice columnists letters about his porn use
instead of, say, the most effective possible forms of birth control available
to her: Once again, KTBC, the more of his spunk that winds up in the laundry,
and not in you, the better.

Dump him. DTMFA. And find a new boyfriend—not
one who never masturbates, as that man doesn't exist. All men masturbate (most
women do, all should), all men look at porn (many women do, more should), and
all women need to get over the porn and masturbation thing. If you want a male
in your life who you can order never to look at porn or masturbate—if you
want a male you can castrate—get a dog.

Just before I married, I got a CB-2000
male chastity device and gave it to my wife as a joke Xmas present. She had
previous mates fool around on her and I wanted to let her know I was serious.

We played with it some, and a year later,
she got me a CB-3000. Soon she was keeping me in it for a week at a time. Now
she keeps me in it for a month at a time. While I have adjusted to this, I miss
being able to masturbate when I want to. I have tried to talk her into allowing
me to be free again, and she refuses. It's not that she's afraid I will fool
around, but she believes that I'm more attentive, caring, and loving when kept
in this condition. Is it becoming more common for wives to keep their husbands
in chastity?

Lost
Over Cock Kept Erotically Denied

No,
LOCKED, it's not. Unfortunately, bullshit letters are all too common.

So
you bought an expensive male chastity device as a gag gift—those CB-2000s
start at $150—because, hey, there's nothing a woman with adultery issues
wants more at Christmas than a gag gift that plays on her fears and
insecurities. You must be a gas at funerals, LOCKED. And now your wife keeps
your dick locked up for a month at a time. Against your will. And you're
powerless to do anything about it.

Uh-huh.

If
your wife keeps you in chastity—if you have a wife—it's because being locked up in a
CB-3000 turns you on. Like most male chastity fetishists, you find the scenario
more exciting if it's something your wife does to you, not something you have
to beg the wife to do. But you can't expect the rest of us to play along. If
you want to see your fetish discussed in Savage Love, just be honest. Send me a letter that
says, "Write about the freaky shit that turns me on!" But don't make up some
bullshit scenario.

Oh,
and KTBC? You have options besides a castrated dog: Dump the motherfucker
you're with, go to the message boards at malechastityforum.com, and you'll find
guys whose ultimate fantasy is being with a woman so insecure, or so
controlling, that she wants to keep his cock under lock and key.

I
am a 25-year-old gay man. I love sex. So does my boyfriend. The problem is that
my boyfriend ejaculates prematurely when he bottoms. When he tops, he can hump
me all day and it's awesome—but when I stick it in his ass, we only have
about 60 seconds before he ejaculates. He does not jack off while he bottoms,
and I have never seen anything like it. The first time it happened, of course I
felt like a hot stud. After the fifth time, I was wishing the ride lasted
longer. Sixty seconds just isn't enough time to fully enjoy the awesomeness
that is butt sex. I asked him about it, and he said that this quick splooge has
always happened when he bottoms, and he doesn't think there is anything he can
do. (So much for feeling like a stud.)

Is
there anything we can do to prolong the fuck? He never ejaculates so quickly
otherwise. I am in love, he gives a great blowjob, and I'll stay with him no
matter what. But if you have any suggestions…

Timed
Out Man

Just
one: After your boyfriend comes, leave your dick in his ass. Stop fucking, stay
very still, and concentrate on keeping your erection. After a minute or two,
once the boyfriend's orgasmic contractions have subsided, slowly start fucking
him again. He'll have to breathe deep, concentrate on relaxing, and, yes, give
it up for you, suffer a bit, take it like the bottom bitch he is (at that
moment, not all the time), etc.

It's
the only way you'll ever get to spend more than 60 seconds fucking his
ass—he's got a hair-trigger (or cock-trigger) prostate, and always will.
Your only option for a nice, long, leisurely fuck, TOM, is to keep fucking him after he comes, when the pleasure is
drained—quite literally—out of the action for him.

Tits
on the boyfriend? Tabasco on the clit? Tranny sacks? Readers' answers to those
unanswerable questions are up now at avclub.com/content/savage/stumped.

Download Savage Lovecast (my
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