Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Most Useless Product Ever

Remember a few years ago when someone invented "invisible" plastic bra straps? Despite the fact that a perfectly serviceable invisible strap bra, aka the strapless bra, had already been in use for decades, the "invisible" plastic bra strap was a revelation. It was a genius innovation, obviously, because making something plastic renders it completely invisible. (This is why Kim from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta appears bald–Plastic Barbie hair = invisible hair–and why stealth bombers are now made entirely out of recycled stretchy plastic invisible bra straps.) For an entire summer, you could spot an idiot from many yards away, their "invisible" shiny plastic bra straps glinting in the sunlight. Neon bra straps with built in sirens would have been more subtle.

But unnecessary innovation marches on! Just think of all the other products that could be re-invented in uglier, less useful forms. Take, for instance, the belt. What if you wanted to prevent your pants from falling, but also look really stupid at the same time? Yes, you could just get one of those LED message belts, but what if you wanted to trick other stupid people into thinking you weren't wearing a belt at all? One (thoroughly idiotic) compound word: IsaBelt.

(via The Cut)

Step one: Take IsaBelt out of the package. (Very important.)

Step two: Take a nap if you need one. Dressing yourself can be exhausting!

Step three: Adjust and put on IsaBelt. (Don't be afraid to ask for help.)

Step four: Cover your IsaBelt with your shirt so no one can see your shiny plastic shame.

Step five: Use the buddy system if you're going outside.

Step six: If you want to use the stove, always, always ask a non-IsaBelt-user for help.

Finally, a belt for people who think Kath & Kim is a reality show.