This Week In Terrifying Hybrids

1. Guy from Mad TV + 1001 Impersonations + A concept so irritating it's like rubbing Poison Oak in your eyes and ears - everything else = TBS's Frank TV

Frank is obviously really lazy. If he were a truly great impressionist, he would have also done Uncle Leo, Jerry's Mom & Dad, the Soup Nazi, Mr. Peterman, George Steinbrenner, and all the women that Jerry dated over the course of the entire series before collapsing from fatigue in the middle of his 2000th run back to the make-up trailer. If you're going to impersonate all the characters in the show, then do it all the way.

I mean, that's the point of this show, right? To see how many dead-on celebrity impressions Frank can do in one sketch before he has a seizure out of sheer exhaustion? I don't see any other reason for this show to exist.

It's unfortunate that impersonations aren't funny in and of themselves, because if they were this show would be the funniest thing on television, and Las Vegas would be the funniest place on Earth instead of the place that hope goes to die while getting a lap-dance. But as it turns out, impressions without jokes are just creepy and unsettling. Haven't the producers of this show seen the episode of Undeclared where Rachel dates the impressionist? Let this be a lesson to everyone: Always look to Undeclared.

2. Beyoncé + gold + Direct TV = The worst subliminal advertising you've ever seen


She can dance, sing, and sell me high-definition television all at the same time! Congrats, B. You're a shoo-in for next year's Quadruple Threat VMA!

I always knew that one day Beyoncé would stop with the whole music thing and just turn into a commercial, I just didn't think it would be this jarring. I thought it would be more subtle, like maybe a few taglines for Verizon mixed in with her hair extensions, or a giant platinum necklace that reads "Loreal Paris: I'm Worth It" or something.

Also, there is entirely too much context in this commercial: We're aware that Beyoncé is a pop star. You don't have to stage an entire gilded music video filled with awkward Direct TV interjections to get that point across.

2. Thirtysomething - 10 years + the Internet + buckets and buckets of angst = Quarterlife


The worst part about this melodramatic series about how blogging ruins lives, besides the fact that it exists, is that it's serious. Really serious. The third worst part? It's on MySpace. This series is a confluence of so many awful things that it might just tear a hole in the universe in the shape of Zach Braff's feeling face, that's how hard it's trying to define the current generation.

The LA Times suggested this show as a possible alternative to scripted television during the writers strike, so if you weren't already scared or depressed you should be now. Every time you wonder, "How will the writers strike affect me?" Just remember that earnest, plaintive wail, "You put my face all over the frickin' Net!"