Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Very Short Open Letters To Annoying Celebrities

Dear Jessica Simpson, Just because someone (i.e., your father) puts an endorsement deal in front of you, doesn't mean you have to sign it. First the edible lotion. Then the perfume that smells like cupcakes. Then the cheap shoes. And now wigs.

At this point, if you physically turned into a strip mall no one would even blink. Stop it. Amelie


Dear Madonna, Cut it out.

58 pages of you like that (complete with horsies!) is the definition of overkill. Thanks, Amelie Dear Jamie Foxx, If you never said anything about women, music, Ray Charles, or any other subject ever again, that would be great.


I believe that the amount of annoyance you cause the general public every time you open your mouth is energy that is completely wasted. Unless you and modern science can figure out a way to channel that wasted energy into an alternate fuel source, just be quiet (you can communicate with the scientists via hand signals, or possibly a chalkboard around your neck). Your cooperation is very much appreciated, Amelie

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