Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Viewer beware: Black Sails wants to pillage your Saturdays

Illustration for article titled Viewer beware: Black Sails wants to pillage your Saturdays

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, January 24, and Saturday, January 25. All times are Eastern.

Black Sails (Starz, 9 p.m., Saturday): Arrrrrrrrrr(e) you ready for a whole mess of pirate puns? Avast! We don't actually enough to annoy you, so we'll just get to it, shall we? This new series purports to be a prequel for Robert Louis Stevenson's classic Treasure Island, but Todd Vanderwerff's seen the first four episodes and he's not convinced Black Sails knows what it's doing quite yet. Also, Michael Bay is billed as a producer, so it's only a matter of time before Long John Silver reveals his tortured alien past. But no matter; Starz has already renewed the series for a second season, and so Rowan Kaiser will be checking in on this adventure in premium cable swashbuckling for us weekly. 


Enlisted and Raising Hope (FOX, Friday, 9 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.): We'd just like to draw your attention to the fact that FOX decided to flip the order here, possibly because they realized Enlisted is really pretty good and throwing it at the end of a Friday lineup miiiiiiight have cut it off at the knees a bit. Les Chappell will be happy if the switch means better numbers, but Phil Dyess-Nugent's holding out for a Hill/Hope family crossover either way.

Grimm (NBC, Friday, 9 p.m.)
Dracula (NBC, Friday, 10 p.m.)
Helix (Syfy, Friday, 10 p.m.)

Alasdair Wilkins took a look at Chiller's horror special, The Monkey's Paw. Unfortunately, he thought it failed to live up to its beautiful name: “The Monkey’s Paw is frequently ridiculous, but the movie is too incoherent to function as unintentional comedy. Lang and director Brett Simmons occasionally appear to recognize just how silly this all is, but even a master of comedic horror like Sam Raimi would struggle to manage the movie’s erratic tonal shifts. The result is an indifferent slasher film teetering uneasily atop a classic horror story.”

Elsewhere, Phil Dyess-Nugent paid a visit to Christina Ricci as Lizzie Borden in Lifetime's docudrama (obviously) Lizzie Borden Took an Ax. It sounds like it turned out exactly like we suspected: “The best thing about Lizzie Borden Took An Ax is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously… It’s just a period horror story starring Wednesday Addams as the high-strung monster from the playground jumping-rope rhyme, with costumes and furnishings (and a general lack of extras) that suggest a high-school play.”


10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty (Spike, Friday, 10 p.m.): Did you know Spike's holding a reality show in which teams search national parks for Sasquatch? Because we sure didn't, and are hereby canceling all plans to perfect our audition tape. Does anyone have a spare ice luge?

The Carrie Diaries (CW, Friday, 9 p.m.) This show has quietly evolved from being a basic Sex and the City prequel to a strong high-school drama with a lot of heart. If that doesn't sway you, how about the prospect of an honest to gosh 80's prom?

Jack and Jill (FXX, 8 p.m., Friday): because the Razzies were just announced and it's always good to remember why Adam Sandler's become a perennial nominee.

Blazing Saddles (AMC, 8 p.m., Friday): because even suggesting Jack and Jill in a ironic kind of way made us feel like we should give you a real option.

The Godfather/The Godfather, Part II (AMC, 5:30 p.m./9:30 p.m.): What, did you have plans?

Revenge of the Nerds (Esquire, Saturday, 8 p.m.): Something about this movie airing on Esquire makes it feel like the square-jawed quarterback patiently indulging his nerdy older brother.

NBA Basketball: Clippers at Bulls (ESPN, Friday, 8 p.m.): The Clippers are apparently becoming interesting? This is as much as we know about this game, but we figured some of you might want to know about it, anyway.

Shaun White: Russia Calling (NBC, 8 p.m., Saturday): Get ready for NBC's upcoming deluge of Winter Olympics coverage with the guy who captured hearts and minds with naught but a snowboard and a truly massive amount of red hair.


Community: Okay, you probably didn't miss this, but it was Donald Glover's last episode for a while and we just wanted to make sure.