Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Watch a table read of Star Wars: Episode X, as written by A.I.

Illustration for article titled Watch a table read of Star Wars: Episode X, as written by A.I.
Screenshot: YouTube (Fair Use)

Being as The Rise of Skywalker is not a great film, it begs the question: Could anything have been done to salvage Episode IX’s storyline? Sure, probably. But, unlike Disney and J.J. Abrams, we can’t keep dwelling on the past for ideas, and must instead cast our gaze resolutely towards the future: the inevitable, unnecessary greenlight of an Episode X, if not an entirely new Skywalker-related trilogy.


Look, we’ve been burned enough by humans during this franchise, so if we have to go through all this disappointment again, let’s put the onus on faulty A.I. algorithms instead of people. At least then we won’t have to take the death threats as seriously. The folks behind the all-things-Star-Wars YouTube channel Blue Bantha Milk Co. seem to share our opinion on the matter, and recently embarked on the impressive project of training a text-generation A.I. program to write-up a complete Episode X script.

Using a custom AI service called InferKit, the team managed (after some significant trial and error) to draw up and edit their own totally “new” Star Wars feature film, A New Light Rises, by first feeding in all nine previous screenplays and then painstakingly working forward by generating, editing, and feeding back in the new text for an “original” plot. It sounds extremely complicated, time-consuming, and we’re glad to not be doing it ourselves.

And, if that wasn’t enough, they then went ahead and did a table read of the entire damn script featuring all the gobbledygook one might expect from, you know, a robot trying its best to write a Star Wars movie. Part One—itself nearly an hour-and-a-half long—can be found below.

Hey, if nothing else it managed to wrangle Darth Maul back into the mix, so at least it got that part right.

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).