Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Why I Don't Watch American Idol

Want to know why I don't watch American Idol? Here you go:

You know they had to restrain themselves from inserting a can of Coca-Cola in Elvis' other hand, or putting a Ford logo on his back. Now, there are many, many reasons to not watch American Idol: Ryan Seacrest's aggressively calculated blandness, nausea-inducing camera swoops, the blinding Who Wants To Be A Millionaire staging, the danger of having to sit through a live Jennifer Lopez performance, etc. But a Celine Dion/dead Elvis charity duet backed by a chorus of American Idol contestant angels? That's so awful it's almost physically threatening.

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