Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Will Ted meet the Mother on How I Met Your Mother? We gave up hope in 2009

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Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, May 13. All times are Eastern.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.): Will Barney and Robin get married? Will Ted meet the Mother? Will Ted overcome his love for Robin once and for all? Will Marshall and Lily move to Italy? Will all of the characters realize that “the one” is an artificial construct, like philosophy or religion or oxygen, that it’s pointless to wait around for the perfect person and, instead, to spend more time making yourself someone worthy of love, then find someone to share that with you? Will next season be a real-time depiction of Barney and Robin’s wedding day? Donna Bowman will have all these answers and more.


Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.): In an episode called “Shh!” Jake and Finn use signs to communicate, presumably because their voices have been stolen by the Gentlemen and they need to find the princess to make her scream. Oliver Sava probably needs to fill us in on what happened there.

Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.): Skips needs to lower his stress because he’s in poor health. The doctor told us that, too, Skips, so let us give you some stress relief tips: Scream a lot. Hit people you meet on the street. Try not to have any pets or children or maybe a job. Alasdair Wilkins thanks us.

Defiance (Syfy, 9 p.m.): Irisa meets a guy she believes to have tortured her as a child. Perhaps surprisingly, it puts her in a sour mood. Rowan Kaiser wasn’t tortured as a child, but if he had been, he imagines that meeting his torturer as an adult would likely turn his day into a big old bummer.

Bates Motel (A&E, 10 p.m.): The episode’s called “Underwater,” and the TV Guide summary says, “Emma goes on a trip.” Could this mean Emma is going on a trip under the sea?! Perhaps with the help of a singing crab?! We sure hope so. Todd VanDerWerff would love if this show had more mermaids.

Rectify (Sundance, 10 p.m.): The TV Guide summaries for this show are hilariously unhelpful. Tonight’s reads “Daniel’s struggle to adjust to life outside of prison proves trying.” Hey, TV Guide. That’s the whole show! Erik Adams’ attempts to write a review of this episode will take him a couple of hours, maximum.


Revolution (NBC, 10 p.m.): So much talk about the Plains Nation, and nobody’s talking about its glorious emperor, South Dakota native Todd VanDerWerff. Les Chappell knew from the first time he met VanDerWerff that he would make a great emperor, and Revolution is really bolstering his case.

Peep Show (11 a.m.): One of this week’s two episodes introduces a character named “The Orgazoid.” So many series over the years have had characters named “The Orgazoid,” particularly since The Andy Griffith Show’s version of the character was so memorable. Phil Dyess-Nugent is called The Orgazoid.


90210 (The CW, 8 p.m.): We haven’t written about this show since the series première way back in 2008—and remember how Rob Thomas wrote that episode?—but we’re covering tonight’s two-hour series finale. Carrie Raisler hopes that at least a couple of you have watched this show before.


2 Broke Girls (CBS, 9 p.m.): For a while there, this sitcom, which was the greatest show of all time for a week or two, as you might recall, was all about how Max and Caroline had lost all of their money and had to perform even shittier jobs. Now, they have to deep clean the diner, which sounds… fun?

Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.): Phil Dyess-Nugent drops in on the season finale, and we’re hopeful that he’ll be in a good mood since he hasn’t had to write about the show in a while and he has a screener. But maybe Castle and Beckett will have some angst-ridden moments, set to Nickelback, and it will all be the worst.


Going Ape (National Geographic, 10 p.m.): National Geographic digs into the similarities between apes and humans in a miniseries that apparently suggests that the two creatures are somehow related. Surely a science program on television wouldn’t engage in such controversial notions. Teach the controversy!

Gigi (TCM, 8 p.m.): This isn’t the best musical in the world, but between the direction of Vincente Minnelli and some fantastic songs from Lerner and Loewe, there’s still plenty to recommend it. Plus, you can hear “Thank Heaven For Little Girls,” which isn’t a creepy song or anything even remotely similar.


Matilda (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): Are you really excited for the Tony Awards, where the stage musical version of this story is up for a bunch of awards? You probably aren’t, huh? Well, we thought we’d recommend this one anyway, because it’s a charming kids’ movie, and you like kids’ movies, right?

NBA Playoff: Game 4: Thunder at Grizzlies (TNT, 8 p.m.): Memphis edged number one seeded Oklahoma City in game three to take a 2-1 lead in the series last week. Will the Thunder tie things up in tonight’s game? Given how crazy these second-round series have been, we wouldn’t be surprised.


Bob’s Burgers (Sunday): Pilot Viruet celebrates the end of a terrific season of television by giving the season finale an A for Gene’s athletic efforts. The Belcher boy takes on the sport of baseball, while Tina gets addicted to espresso, and we’re sad that we’ll have to wait until, at earliest, September for more.