Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Corey Feldman speaks out against cyberbullying of Corey Feldman

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Having already taken a stand against reckless slander and defamation of character through the publishing of untouched photographs, Corey Feldman has now bravely stood up against another troubling trend whose definition is unique to Corey Feldman. Yesterday, Feldman blast-emailed a PR statement aimed at protesting the “cyber-bullying” of Corey Feldman—an epidemic that threatens to hurt the feelings of untold numbers of Corey Feldmen, making it difficult for them to enjoy their aging stripper parties without feeling as though some people don’t recognize how cool they are.


The statement (sadly not titled “It Gets Better, Corey Feldman”) pointedly addresses the “mixed reviews and controversy from the public and media” that ostensibly greeted his new single, “Ascension Millennium,” a song that the media had controversially suggested exists, as well as the birthday party that was “met with strong criticism online; criticism Feldman strongly feels is cyber bullying,” because Corey Feldman tends to just feel words.

“Unfortunately, we have grown into a society whose belief system holds to bring down rather than to build up.  Bullying is present in schools, homes, professional environments and online (cyber bullying), and here is a case no different from just that,” Corey Feldman writes of his case, in which some people posted unflattering photos as means of preapproved publicity for his party business, and is therefore no different from cyberbullying cases where someone is harassed mercilessly until they commit suicide. “It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there in the hot seat,” Feldman added, presumably of this seat, where his hot balls go. “I encourage everyone to not be afraid of what others will say or think. Move forward and ignore the haters,” Feldman concluded in the 600-word press release specifically drafted to address what others said about him.

Though, as with all aspects of this story, it also exists to remind haters of all the new things that Corey Feldman is involved with—for example, his “first lead in a U.S. theatrical release in over a decade” (as his publicist notes, in what may also constitute cyberbullying) in the Henry Jaglom movie The M Word, where Feldman co-stars alongside Michael Imperioli as the crucial lead of the film’s “other cast.” Feldman is also prepping the release of his new album, Angelic To The Core, and his autobiography, Coreography, both of which prove Corey Feldman is always moving forward and finding increasingly new ways to put his name on things.

And of course, there will be all-new party nights with Corey’s Angels that are really fun, no matter how accurately they may be photographed. “You can’t believe everything you read or hear. It’s the age-old adage reality vs. setup,” Feldman said in denial of such reports and the definition of “adage.” He then continued to assert that things are actually going really well for Corey Feldman, saying you should believe so in something that you read. “As Pablo Picasso so brilliantly once said, the meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away,” Feldman mused about his upcoming book and album you can buy, or party you can pay $250 to attend.

“I thank God for the strength to make it through this far,” Feldman concluded of his struggle that God has been busy helping him with, thereby explaining Syria. And in return for giving Corey Feldman the strength to survive being mocked on the Internet, God can now get in free to any Corey’s Angels party, so long as he remembers to wear the wings.