Donald Trump Jr. isn’t shy about the things he hates—things like accurate descriptions of socialism, Hollywood being mean to his papa, legible depictions of Barack Obama, and, last but far from least, visible skin imperfections.
This last issue has been subject to Junior’s vast capacity for problem-solving in recent times, which you can see for yourself in an aggressively airbrushed photo.
Posted by his new beau, former Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle (who managed the impressive feat of being too shitty for the network), the above photo proudly displays four dead eyes shining out of eerily smooth faces. Considering that the complexion depicted above only occurs naturally in babies, snail bellies, and certain deep sea fish, it’s pretty obvious that Guilfoyle and Junior are big fans of selfie touch-up software.
As you’d expect, the internet has responded with several apt comparisons:
While the photo posted on Guilfoyle’s Instagram (and helpfully marked with #maga and #kag hashtags that sound like the names of two warring Conan the Barbarian characters) is mesmerizing enough on its own, it’s not the only heavily airbrushed picture of the two.
Here, for example, are some nice nature pictures, including one where a slippery-skinned bottom-feeder holds up his aesthetic inspiration to the camera.
Or how about a shot of the two human ice statues out on the town? They can be posed all sorts of ways!
As creepy as these photos are, they at least show two people deep enough in whatever the Trump family equivalent of “love” is to have removed themselves temporarily from the dating pool. It was no small feat for the pair to have found such perfect matches—to enter a relationship with someone who deeply understand both public disgrace and the desire to look like Nintendo 64 character models without needing to say a word.
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