Kirby, a dead-eyed pink blob who runs around inhaling everything in his path, has always been a suspicious character. His unknowable facial expressions and mysterious biology give him an ominous quality—a worrying, alien-like nature that seems like it could turn into undirected, kaiju-style violence at a moment’s notice. Our Kirby concerns have always been fairly nebulous, though, until now. Thanks to a video from Dumbest Of All Worlds, we now have compelling mathematical and philosophical evidence that Kirby is more monstrous than we could have ever dreamed.
Video host Michal first concentrates on Kirby’s “Power Of Suck,” beginning her argument with a look into the physics behind the blob’s ability to vacuum up objects in his vicinity. Using a train—the largest item he’s ever been seen hoovering into his gaping maw—and Kirby’s height as key figures in a physics equation, Michal runs the numbers on the Power Of Suck. She discovers that a being capable of suctioning in and eating an entire train would easily be able to power wind turbines in perpetuity, generating enough electricity for “half a million homes,” and clean up oil spills or air pollution.