Paramount moves Transformers: Dark Of The Moon up by two days to maximize your post-Rapture enjoyment

In these last waning hours before the Earth spews up her dead, and the final Judgment is made on who shall know peace in heaven or suffer under false idols, everything has taken on a natural sense of urgency. So you can perhaps understand why Paramount thought it necessary to move Michael Bay’s conspiracy theory cacophony Transformers: Dark Of The Moon up by two days to a June 29 release date, thereby giving mankind 48 extra hours to cross the fiery chasms and scale the corpse-mounds to make it to the multiplex, and escape the certainty of their doom for a little while by watching big-ass robots punch skyscrapers. Also, the studio feels that “early response to footage, especially the 3-D footage, has been great, so we want to get the word out that this film is as good or better than the first and much better than the last.” An atonement for previous sins, in other words. But will it be too late?